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I've definitely had a challenging week, riding the up and down emotional roller coaster of life. Yoga helps me to become aware of the cause of my ups and downs, but it seems that no matter how much I think I'm done with this ride, sooner or later I find myself strapped back in once again.

I haven't been posting much this week because I've been taking time to slow down and feel what I'm going through. Attending John Friend's workshop last weekend was certainly a transformational experience. In all my experience of attending Yoga workshops with Master Teachers, I've never had the teacher recommend that we take a couple of days off after the workshop...until now. Of course, as I said in the last post, I foolishly did not take his advice. Lesson number 1, when a Master Yoga teacher who's been teaching Yoga for 30 years recommends taking a couple of days off...listen...Of course, John also reminded us to be a little foolish, (our first class together was on April Fool's Day, so it worked out exactly the way it was meant to)

I sank to some pretty deep lows on Monday and Tuesday. I felt unsure of myself, all of my insecurities rushed up to the surface, and I felt like I had lost a complete sense of who I am. Which then led me to the question, Who am I? It's been a while since I've asked this question. I think awakening to the place where we actually let go of everything we've had made up about ourselves and who we think we are is a very powerful place to be, and it can also be excruciatingly uncomfortable, to get to the place of absolute nothingness and the unknown...Who am I? This is the question all great spiritual teachers and seekers exist in...

Much of the time I feel confident, yet there is a painful source of insecurity that lies deep within my Being. It's not coincidental all of my self-worth issues came up to the surface after last weekend.

One of the things John Friend taught us, is to BE worthy. In the beginning of class he had us stand in Tadasana, Mountain Pose, with our shoulders rolled back, heart open and chest filled up with light. He said, let go of thinking your not worthy, that you don't deserve to be here, or belong here. Your strength comes from remembering your Source, the Source of your Being and of your whole existence. Your are light. Within you there is a Source of Strength and Being and you are that and it is you. Like you have a pillar of diamonds running through the top of your head all the way down your whole body and out your pelvis floor down into the Earth. Adamantine strength, like a diamond. Why like a diamond? Because it reminds you of your Source and that the light of your Source is within you, shining brightly, and illuminating everything.

Our Strength has nothing to do with the muscles of our body, it has to do with the rememberance of our Source and the embodiment of the awareness that WE ARE WORTHY.

Here is the literal translation of the word adamantine:

Main Entry: ad·a·man·tine
Pronunciation: "a-d&-'man-"tEn, -"tIn, -'man-t&n
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin adamantinus, from Greek adamantinos, from adamant-, adamas
1 : made of or having the quality of adamant
2 : rigidly firm : UNYIELDING
3 : resembling the diamond in hardness or luster

It's scary to feel inadequate, like I'm not good enough, and completely ungrounded in my Being and then to teach a Yoga class for the thousand upon thousandth of time and feel like I have no idea what I'm doing...like I'm lost.

It's incredible what an amazing teacher can allow us to see within ourselves. One of the gifts John Friend helped me to receive and open up to is my Self Worth. Of course, like everything else in Yoga, it looked like me going into my unworthiness first, into those parts of myself which I've masked and tried to cover over. To go through the discomfort of all of that, to feel lost, to ask the question...Who am I?...And, through this process, this stretch, to awaken to a new awareness of the strength of mySelf, my Life Source within me and all around me.

On that note, something wonderful opened up today. I will now be teaching Yoga from the 19th floor penthouse at the Mondrian Cityplace. This is Yoga with a spectacular view, a view which reminds us as we soar above the Dallas skyline, that although we are physically small, there is a Source within us and all around us that is as big as the Infinite Sky.

I will also be having my DVD release party in the Penthouse at the Mondrian. This will be a wonderful celebration and I look forward to sharing more with you as the time approaches...right now it looks like it will be some time in June...

May we awaken to the Adamantine Strength of our Being with every breath we breathe...

Have a great weekend! Read more