To achieve this certainty is to know the real meaning of the word yoga. It is the breaking of contact with pain." This quote is from the Bhagavad-Gita, the most revered spiritual text in India, but this concept shows up in every major Faith.

I am so blessed and ever-increasingly aware of my blessings, aware that there is an Infinite River of Goodness flowing into my Being, my Life, with every breath I breathe. So many wonderful openings are manifesting and aligning and it feels wonderful. I realize the alignment I'm experiencing is because of the work I've done through Yoga. I've had the courage to face my darkness, my demons, my struggles, fears, pain and sorrow. Much of which I never really knew was present, until I began Yoga.

Sometimes Yoga brings us into our heaviness, our darkness, before we are able to really open up to the Light. The analogy, is like coming out of a dark room into the bright sun, without sunglasses, the Light is blinding. I believe Yoga eases us into the Light, rather than opening our eyes to it all at once. It might be too much to take in, too shocking without this gradual process...

I always thought of myself as being a happy person. I remember my childhood as being a very joyous time. I had everything a child could hope for, I even had my own pony named Brandy. :) High school was a good time, I enjoyed it, I wouldn't want to do it over, but I have many fond memories from those times. College, the same. My best friend is someone who I met in college and I couldn't imagine life without her. It was a lot of partying, but I enjoyed those years, too.

But, after college, the luster of Life began to slowly fade away. My parents have been married for over thirty years, but have had a challenging marriage throughout that time. There were many times both in my childhood and adult life when I wasn't sure if they would make it. This was very hard for me. When I moved in with them for a short while after graduating from college in 2000, this was a time of much difficulty and pain. My mother went through a severe depression and this was startling and frightening. I began to see myself in her. I began to wonder if the happiness I had felt like I had experienced growing up was truly authentic, or just the way I learned to deal with the world, "put on a happy face", "be positive", "smile."

When I moved to Dallas in 2001, I was fortunate to find a Yoga class in the area. I had read a little about it, that the celebrities did it, Christy Turlington, Madonna, and thought it was something I would like to try. I fell in love with it from my very first class. Initially, it was like this rush. My whole world seemed to open up to this new found passion that made me feel so good on every level of my Being. I was working at a small advertising agency in the area, but not happy in my work. I found myself surfing the web all the time, reading about Yoga, I couldn't get enough of it. When September 11th happened, I began to question why I was spending my time, which was so obviously precious, in a place where I wasn't happy. So, in 2002, I quit, and committed myself to learning and teaching Yoga.

This practice has opened me up to so much Goodness, but the journey hasn't been easy. It has taken me into the depth of my Soul, and shown me the places of darkness within me. The anger, the struggle with depression myself, the insecurities, shame, self-hate, it was all there, hiding beneath the surface from my own awareness. I never knew it existed until I began Yoga. I think this is why people who intially fall in love with Yoga, sometimes fall out of love with it. For some people, they've already gone through their darkness when they find Yoga, but for others it becomes their vehicle to suppor them in moving through it.

To open up to the Light, we must go through the darkness, there is no other way, at least as far as I've experienced. And, if there was another way, I'm not sure I would want to take the easy path. It's the struggle, which has been immense over the past four years, that has allowed me to take my sunglasses off and soak in the sun in all its glory. Healing from incest as a child, accepting myself and my sexuality (however it expresses itself today), deep, deep places I never knew I had, and never knew I would need to move through, to heal so I could receive life's Light. I never knew I was in pain. Life was pretty much a flatline until I began Yoga, no real highs, and no real lows. Just sort of there, no passion, no emotion, just passing by, just like me.

It's hard for me to put this out there. I'm learning, it's the only way, though. I'm afraid of sharing of opening up. Yoga is a Light, and it will shine on your darkness, but ultimately, dissolve it with its healing illumination. But, when it's time to take off your sunglasses, the Light is so glorious and brilliant, I can feel it in every cell of my Being. An Energy, with me, inside of me, pulsing through my veins, igniting my very Being into existence. Alive, energized, passionate, free, giving, faithful, loving, abundant, sexual, joyous, sometimes sad, sometimes frustrated, once and a while, even angry, not happy to admit it, but it sometimes is there, at the world, war, pollution, government, disease, famine, poverty, falsehood, misconception, lies, mean people. It's ok, I've learned. Whatever I'm feeling, to not be ashamed of it, or make myself wrong for feeling it. Feeling my emotions, is the only way I can let go of the heaviness, the hurt, when it is there.

Here's what I didn't know at the time. That it was all a part of the process. Feeling the tightness in your body, is a part of being flexible. Going through stressful experiences is a part of Being peaceful. Feeling sad, depressed, is a part of being joyous. Getting angry, upset, mad, is a part of being loving. Scarcity, being broke, is a part of being abundant. It's impossible to know one, without having known the other. Trust you are okay whatever it is you are moving through, experiencing right now in this moment. It's all opening you up, so you can experience the Infinite Grace showering and shining down upon you right now in this very moment. As you sit here, your whole body is illuminated by an Infinite number of rays of light, shining light onto your whole Being. You can't see them, but they are there, they are always there, shining upon you every step of the way. So don't worry about what the path looks like today, if you are practicing Being the most sincerely loving, compassionate, peaceful person you can possibly be and this intention is true in your heart, then every step of the way is bringing you to your Highest Good, and oh, how Good it is. So, keep the faith, love is faith, peace is faith, joy is faith, that it's all Good, you are all Good, and you are on the path of Being all you can Be, your True Potential, your Light illuminating from every cell of your Being.

"When I look back on all the misery,
and all the heartache that they brought to me.
I wouldnt' change it for another chance,
this blood is thicker than any other circumstance."
- Madonna, Keep It Together

09%20Keep%20It%20Together.m4p

"When can a man be said to have achieved union with Brahman? (God) When his mind is under perfect control and freed from all desires, so that he becomes absorbed in the Atman (Individual and Universal Spirit), and nothing else. "The light of a lamp does not flicker in a windless place": that is the simile which describes a yogi of one-pointed mind, who meditates upon the Atman. When, through the practice of yoga, the mind ceases its restless movements, and becomes still, he realizes the Atman. It satisfies him entirely. Then he knows that infinite happiness which can be realized by the purified heart but is beyond the grasp of the senses. He stands firm in this realization. Because of it, he can never again wander from the inmost truth of his being.

Now that he holds it
He knows this treasure
Above all others:
Faith so certain
Shall never be shaken
By heaviest sorrow.

To achieve this certainty is to know the real meaning of the word yoga. It is the breaking of contact with pain."-Bhagavad-Gita


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