"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true."-Steve Jobs, CEO Apple, Commencement Speech at Stanford in 2005

As I mentioned in my previous post, my grandmother passed away two weeks ago today. I am happy to say I am beginning to feel a sense of renewal from this profound transition I have just experienced. I had no idea what the experience of loss was like. The only other time I experienced the loss of a loved one was when my grandfather passed away when I was 12. So, the grieving process is something I had never really experienced before now.

One of my co-workers said it best when I saw her on Monday at one of the studios where I teach. "You didn't give yourself time to grieve, did you?" I replied, "I didn't really think I would need 'time' to grieve." I thought I would be able to return to my "normal" routine with some degree of ease, and that I had pretty much felt all the emotions I needed to feel in order to be able to "move on."

What I found out this week, was that was not the case. I've realized there is most definitely a grieving process, and the only way to go through it, is to honor it.

Not to mention the death of my grandmother was what I had no idea it would be...a major transition in my life. So, not only have I experienced this change, but along with it, every other aspect of my life is also in a state of change and transformation, personally and professionallly.

I've been living in Frisco, TX for the last 10 months having relocated there, temporarily, from downtown Dallas. Now, it has become illuminatigly clear to me I will be re-relocating downtown again to pursue work interests there. I am really feeling joyous about this opportunity, as this is where my heart prefers to be.

This is just it, I am learning at an even deeper level of awareness, that the most immportant thing I can do, is to follow my heart.

"When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something." - Steve Jobs, Apple CEO

This past Sunday night I had an experience which I've never had quite like it before. I absolutely could not sleep throughout the entire night. It wasn't even that I tossed and turned, or would sleep lightly for a time being and then wake up for a while. I could not sleep at all. So many things running through my mind, most of all, was that I was doing certain things, i.e. living in Frisco, teaching Yoga at certain times or certain places, where my heart was not fully in it. It was a profound moment/night of clarity, though I must say, it wasn't necessarily comfortable to experience it that way. In that evening, I realized, many things, and knew there was a Force inside of me, that was bigger than me, that was changing me. This Force is what I call Love. And, when it moves inside us, it is the greatest Force there is. I've also found a special person and have been embarking on a new and wonderful relationship. The experience of this has been profoundly transformational. It is illuminating the depth of my heart and how important it is for me to be where my heart fully is, personally, professionally, in the face of fear, even in our greatest moments of uncertainty.

"Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle." - Steve Jobs, Apple CEO

That Sunday night when I laid awake all night long, I experienced so many emotions, but most predominantly feeling fear. I knew something was happening as the previous few days I had been feeling depressed, down and dispassionate. "What's going on with me?" I thought. As I laid in bed that night, I knew I could no longer continue to do certain things I had been doing. I could feel this Force inside of me, literally stopping me, saying "No, no more." Although I was scheduled to teach a class that morning, I did something I had only done one other time in my life in light of a deeply emotional struggle I had the night before where I also did not sleep, about two years ago. I told the studio I would not be able to teach that morning. My ego wrestled with me in the early hours of the morning as I lay awake in bed. "You've got to go to class, that's irresponsible, you're being weak." As I asked my Spirit, it's answer became clear, not as a thought, but as a feeling. My heart felt heavy, down, (not to mention I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted) and it's answer was that I would be doing a service to both my students and myself to not be there, by honoring my Self and practicing what I teach. What I teach is to follow our heart, which is our Truth. The only way we can know Truth is to feel it and the way we feel anything is in our Heart Center or Heart Chakra. It is our connection to our Truth.

I teach my students to let themselves go into Child's Pose whenever they need to go there. That it's their resting pose and it's always there for us, anytime. I teach them that it's as important to know when to back off as it is to know when to keep going. It is a courageous act to be in Child's Pose. To really be there. Not just with this idea of...ok, I'll go here for a few breaths, take a short rest, and then get up again and keep doing stuff. But to surrender into this pose, indefinitely. To trut that you can let go, fully and completely. To let go fully and completely doesn't just mean to take a rest physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually, to be in a place of surrender. Adyashanti talks about this. Faith, the real practice of Faith, is to do nothing. To Be Still. In the face of uncertainty, in the "darkness" of the unknown. To Be. That's it. Just Be. So, this is what I'm practicing right now in my life as I begin this new journey.

I am taking some time off, honoring myself, taking Child's Pose, practicing what I teach, living my Truth, and finding a great sense of joy, upliftment, peace and a profound sense of the Force of Life supporting me in this process, every breath of the way. I will still be teaching some classes in Frisco, even once I am relocated fully downtown. However, to allow myself to nurture myself and be balanced in the process, I have let go of a couple of classes I teach during the weekday mornings in Frisco, as well as, a Sunday morning class I teach at a studio in Frisco, as well. Faith, not knowing how it's going to unfold, being in Child's Pose, letting go, sometimes even at times, financially, if it looks like this, to follow our heart. My belief is the Universe will support us when we are supporting ourselves. For the first time in five years or more, I will have a full weekend off. Finding and opening up to Balance in Balasana, Child's Pose. Interesting this is the prefix of the pose's name.

I wouldn't be being honest if I said that I don't get scared at times. Not knowing where it's all going to lead me, but trusting that anytime I follow my heart, my Truth, it is in the direction of my Highest Good, and only in this, can I truly be a service to others. Follow your heart, in the unknown, in the times of certainty, when you're down, when you're up, anytime and all the time, it will set you free.

"There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go." - Tennessee Williams

"To live is to change and to be perfect is to change often." - John Henry Cardinal Newman

"It is in changing that things find purpose." - Heraclitus

"Why do we shrink from change? What can come into being save by change?" - Marcus Aurelious

"Change means the unknown." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"The old order changeth yielding place to new, and God fulfills himself in many ways." - Alfred, Lord Tennyson

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