Thursday, March 27, 2008
The Breath of Change
I feel like I need to cry. Have you ever had that feeling where there's intense happiness and sadness simultaneously? And, because of that, it feels like neither one can release fully? I feel as though I've been emotionally overwhelmed recently. Or, maybe I'm just ready to breath into the full intensity of life and everything there is to feel. I want to share something with you from A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle. I love that I just turned exactly to the page I wanted to find:
"Someone recently showed me the annual prospectus of a large spiritual organization. When I looked through it, I was impressed by the wide choices of interesting seminars and workshops. It reminded me of a smorgasbord, one of those Scandinavian buffets where you can take your pick from a huge variety of enticing dishes. The person asked me whether I could recommend one or two courses. "I don't know," I said. "They all look so interesting. But I do know this," I added. "Be aware of your breathing as often as you are able, whenever you remember. Do that for one year, and it will be more powerfully transformative than attending all of these courses. And it's free." - A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle...
So, the last few days when I've sat in meditation I've noticed my breath has been uneven and constricted. I've felt tension in my chest and restlessness in my mind. Observing my breath has enlightened me to the changes I need to make to find my alignment with myself, my Truth.
"The Lord said:
The life force (prana) verily is one's greatest friend; the life force verily is one's greatest companion. O beautiful one, there is no greater kinsman than the life force; indeed there is none." - Shiva-Svarodaya
I believe our breath, prana, can become constricted for many reasons. Perhaps, we are going through, or have gone through, an intense experience and we are not fully feeling the emotions connected to that experience. Or, the breath can also become constricted anytime we experiencing immense growth, especially emotionally and spiritually. The breath can also become uneven when we are not following our Truth. In other words, when we know what we need to be doing, but we are not doing it, so we are in conflict with our Self.
Constricted, shallow breathing is not a bad thing. It's only a problem when we are unconscious of it. Once we become conscious of our breath, then we can allow it to reveal to us where the balance, opening, release or change needs to take place in our Self.
So, as I sat the past couple of days in a very distracted meditation, I had no choice but to be with my breath and let it reveal to me what I needed to see about myself. And, it did. One of the awarenesses I had is I haven't been spending enough time taking care of and nurturing myself. Any 'free time' I've had recently, I've committed to spending with other people. I love people, so it's easy for me to find myself in this situation. After feeling how uneven and tense my breath was, I have resolved to take better care of, and spend more quality time, with me.
I'm really realizing the truth of what Eckhart is talking about. We can literally be enlightened about ourselves just by observing the breath. It makes so much sense, but my guess is very few of us are aware of it very often.
"Being aware of your breath forces you into the present moment-the key to all inner transformation. Whenever you are conscious of the breath, you are absolutely present. You may also notice that you cannot think and be aware of your breathing. Conscious breathing stops your mind. But far from being in a trance or half asleep, you are fully awake and highly alert. You are not falling below thinking, but rising above it." - A New Earth
Perhaps, feeling emotionally overwhelmed recently has had something to do with my breath becoming constricted and needing to spend more time with Self. As I mentioned, there are so many wonderful things unfolding on the horizon. Next Wednesday I leave for Yoga Trance Dance training with Shiva Rea in Venice, California. When my mentor with Shiva Rea's Teacher Training Progam was talking to me she said, "Ya, that training will definitely have you shed some layers of your skin." In other words, it will be a powerful experience to liberate Self and dissolve away the limitations,constraints and insecurities of the mind.
And, the Summer Solstice Yoga Retreat is really coming together. I can feel the life-enhancing power this retreat is going to have for all of us who are there. It's already opening up my life, and having me grow, in positive ways just in the preparation of putting it together.
Mixed in with all of this, though, is a loss I've been going through on a personal level. My dearest Uncle passed away two weeks ago today. Some of you are aware of this because I took time off from teaching (one day) to feel the pain, and grieve, this loss. But, the reality is, I still feel it. I had no idea it would have such an impact on me. Have you ever had that happen? Not realize fully the depth of how much you loved someone until they are gone? My Uncle lived in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and in the past five years I haven't seen him and my aunt. Life became so busy, I was working hard to get on my own two feet, and trips to visit them didn't seem like a viable possibility financially. In other words, life came up. What I know now, that I didn't know in my twenties, is life come's up and keeps coming up. There is no perfect time, or a time when everything is resolved. So, we need to make the most of the moment we are given.
And, I realize I do not fully have closure. So, part of me sharing this with you is me creating that. It came up for me to share with some of you in class that I was experiencing this loss, but I didn't know if it would be necessary for me to talk about it. So, I held it back. Now, I know I at least need to open myself up and share...not for sympathy, just so my heart can release, let go and be in an open space. I wish I could have seen him one more time. He was such an incredible person. He was absolutely hilarious, fun-loving... one of the most loving and generous people I've ever known. He treated every human being as his equal and would make everyone he met laugh. (Not to mention, he was brilliant, a Structural Engineer and had a Masters Degree from Carnegie Mellon.) One of the qualities I admired most about him was that he was completely unconcerned by what people thought about him. I don't think it even occurred to him to worry about this. It's such a refreshing way of Being. How many of us can claim that? It seems most of us are deeply preoccupied with what people think. We can all learn something from Uncle Jack. Just be yourself. Don't worry about what people think about you. Don't even spend one moment thinking about it. Because it doesn't matter...all that really matters is what YOU feel about yourself. His carefree Spirit will stay with me in my heart and I am so grateful my heart was blessed to know him and love him...a true teacher, guru (remover of darkness/ignorance), was with me all my life and I didn't even know it or realize all the lessons he was teaching me until he passed. Namaste, Uncle Jack...I love you.
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posted by Leanne @ 8:31 PM 
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