There's really only two ways to approach experiences in life...you can either let them bring you down or you can let them lift you up.

I would like to recite the quote from my previous post:

"Allow yourself to trust joy and embrace it.
You will find you dance with everything." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

This was the quote that was at the top of the e-mail Shiva sent to us prior to the training. The last thing she wrote in the e-mail was:

"Rest well before coming to the intensive and we will enter the Dancing Universe together."

For the Waves,

Shiva"

A couple of the things Shiva asked us to reflect upon is when our Dance first went "underground." In other words, when we stopped letting ourselves be free. Or, when we stopped really enjoying and savoring the experience of movement, literally, the sensational experience of just being in our bodies. Just observe any child and it is obvious they experience this joy...

"To have a human form is a joyful thing."

Chuang Tzu (c.360 BC - c. 275 BC)

And, so, when did my dance first go underground? As a child, all forms of movement I learned were classical. I studied ballet and took gymnastics for 10 years. I loved these practices but neither one was totally liberating, there was something constricting and confining with both. Anytime I experienced dancing, (middle school/high school dances, college parties (unless I had consumed alcohol), or going to clubs) I never felt like I could be totally free in the movement. I always felt uncomfortable experiencing the sensual aspect of the movement. When I trace my experience back, I'm aware of where this shame came from as a young child, when I first developed the feeling that being sensual was "bad." I have talked about my experience at a young age with incest. When my mother discovered that it was happening she said, "God doesn't approve of that." I do not fault her for saying this, there's no way she would have realized the impact of these words. But, most definitely I have carried this shameful feeling with me about being sensual and sexual throughout my life. So, this is one of the reasons why Yoga Trance Dance has been such a healing experience. Of course we all have a dance that went underground, and for different reasons. It certainly isn't just because of shame. Just be aware, when's the last time you moved, I mean really moved and danced, in a group of people, without consuming any alcohol or artifical substances beforehand, and were totally liberated and free, not self-conscious at all? Perhaps at a wedding, but how often do those happen? In fact I remember a student telling me recently she had such an amazing time because she had danced her butt off at a wedding. So, if dancing makes us feel so good, why don't we do it more often? Hmmmmm...

I can not even believe I'm writing these words, but my wallet was lost, or stolen, last night. I suppose I'm getting to experience the self-fulfilling prophecy of what I wrote in a previous post about "life just continuing to come up, again and again." And, I feel a lot of this still has to do with changes I am growing through from the relatively recent separation. So, what do I make of all this? Well, here it is from a True Yogic perspective.

Anytime we lose something or something is taken involuntarily from us, it brings forth an emotional reaction. The reaction I felt was intense anger from a feeling of being violated. Whatever our emotional reaction is to any challenging situation, we can surmise these emotions are surfacing in us for a reason. There's a good chance if you look closely, you will see you've been stuffing your feelings about other experiences in your life, not honoring yourself in some way, or accepting situations which are not healthy/ideal for you. This is why the emotional reaction to the situation we are faced with is so strong, because the fuse has been slowly burning beforehand. We can only accept experiences which do not honor ourself for so long. Anytime we continue to abuse, or compromise, ourself by accepting an unhealthy situation, we can also surmise we are addicted to the situation in some way. Inevitably, the Universe will always give us a lesson, (if we do not learn it fully first on our own), that teaches us and reveals to us fully, (often in a very uncomfortable way), what is not working in our life. In other words, how we are not honoring ourselves in any given situation.

My intuition has been softly whispering to me for a long time about a couple of different situations I've needed to let myself let go of and change. Of course, after returning from the training, I knew I could no longer get away with the same behavior, to do so, would only inflict pain on myself, and therefore in some way, on others. So, I've been slowly adjusting into these shifts I've known I needed to make. When I lost my wallet, I felt really angry, taken advantage of. As Shiva would say, any emotion can be healing, even intense anger or frustration, etc. Emotions are energy in motion. They bring about change. It's scary to let go, especially of a wallet with all of our personal materials in it. At the same time, I know this letting go I'm experiencing is serving a Higher Purpose, and ultimately, will be healing and beneficial. (It doesn't mean I still don't experience moments of frustration, violation and anger, mixed with sadness. But, these emotions have been buried, and have needed to surface and be felt, so that true healing can take place.)

When I was at the training, I really began to experience what it means to Dance with the Universe. To not resist anything which comes our way, but rather, to learn how to flow with everything. To see we are being moved and danced by the great Dancer, and this energy that's igniting us and everything has been moving us before we even breathed our first breath. When I Trance Danced I really began to feel free, and in this freedom, I noticed there was no mental resistance, but rather, only the urge to liberate myself into the feeling deeper and deeper. Several times I experienced God's sensual current. As Shiva said, "Of course God makes love, how do you think all of us got here?" Whatever this Energy is, it is the energy of Creation and so this pulsation flows in everything. To not let ourselves experience this sensual current is to cut ourselves off in some way from feeling Its Flow. It's understandable how Yoga Trance Dance would be a healing experience for anyone who struggles with shame.

But, again, there are so many ways we can liberate ourselves from that which binds us through the flow of movement. We talked about what our insecurities about dancing are at the training. For some, it was feeling inappropriate to feel sensual. Many of us felt fears about not looking good, or feeling awkward, as one guy said, "what if I do something dorky." It is safe to say pretty much all of us have a fear of being seen, having ourselves be fully revealed/exposed. Some of the men expressed fears about not feeling masculine if they let themselves surrender to the Flow so much. In reality, masculinity can only be realized through acceptance of its opposite energy, which is the feminine. This, of course, is the entire Yin/Yang or Ha(Solar)Tha(Lunar) perspective of all Eastern movement systems.

And, anything which happens in our life is an experience we can detest or dance with. Shiva would say, "Dance with even the most mundane of experiences in your life." Like when you're at the DMV getting your license, can you dance in that situation? Or, maybe when you're standing in a long line at the post office, or filing your taxes. How can you experience the Divine Dance, the mysterious unfolding of the Universe in these moments? We're always being danced, it's our choice whether or not we seek to hear, flow and be guided by the music. We can realize the great comedy that is in any tragedy. Because, in deed, everything can be seen as lila, a Divine game. I suppose I prefer to relate to it now, as a dance, rather than a game. Just move and let yourself be moved and let whatever unfolds bring you deeper into the extraordinary Nature of the Dancing Universe. So, I'm about ready to turn in for the night. I will definitely be back soon. Before I go, this poem by the mystic poet, Hafiz, sums up everything I've written in an incredibly beautiful way:

Cast All Your Votes for Dancing

I know the voice of depression
Still calls to you.

I know those habits that can ruin your life
Still send their invitations.

But you are with the Friend now
And look so much stronger.

You can stay that way
And even bloom!

Keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From your prayers and work and music
And from your companions' beautiful laughter.

Keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From the sacred hands and glance of your Beloved
And, my dear,
From the most insignificant movements
Of your own holy body.

Learn to recognize the counterfeit coins
That may buy you just a moment of pleasure,
But then drag you for days
Like a broken man
Behind a farting camel.

You are with the Friend now.
Learn what actions of yours delight Him,
What actions of yours bring freedom
And Love.

Whenever you say God's name, dear pilgrim,
My ears wish my head was missing
So they could finally kiss each other
And applaud all your nourishing wisdom!

O keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From your prayers and work and music
And from your companions' beautiful laughter

And from the most insignificant movements
Of your own holy body.

Now, sweet one,
Be wise.
Cast all your votes for Dancing! - Hafiz

p.s.-Ok, the farting camel part is a bit descriptive, but it gets the point across.


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