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1 Corinthians 13:

Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

It's 12:23 in the morning. I had turned off the lights to go to sleep and I couldn't go to sleep without writing this post. This has happened to me a few times where I know I will not be able to rest unless I share what I need to say. Oh my gosh...I'm crying as I write this.

The first thing I want to say is everything is going to be ok. I know we get uncertain sometimes. I know our faith and hope are challenged and we wonder if we are going to make it, if things are going to turn out alright. This is part of the spiritual path. Our faith is meant to be challenged so it grows stronger, our hope is meant to be questioned so it grows brighter. So be grateful for where you are...all the moments of your life as they are...and all the choices you've made as Rod Stryker would say. And, as Byron Katie would say...love what is.

"Byron Katie became severely depressed in her early thirties. For almost a decade she spiraled down into depression, rage, self-loathing, and constant thoughts of suicide; for the last two years she was often unable to leave her bedroom.

Then one morning in February 1986, she experienced a life-changing realization. There are various names for an experience like this. Katie calls it "waking up to reality."

In that instant of no-time, she says,

I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always.

She realized that what had been causing her depression was not the world around her, but the beliefs she'd had about the world. Instead of hopelessly trying to change the world to match her thoughts about how it should be, she could question these thoughts and, by meeting reality as it is, experience unimaginable freedom and joy. As a result, a bedridden, suicidal woman was instantly filled with love for everything life brings." www.thework.com

I have been through a great deal of challenges recently. Many of you know my father passed away a year ago, the 24th of November was the one year anniversary of his passing. Just today (or yesterday on December 6th) was the day of his funeral...the day he was buried in Ohio. I've gone through some incredibly difficult moments of pain, dealing with the grief of losing my father and realizing how much I miss him, which as the days go by, my love and longing for him grows deeper and deeper. I realize it doesn't become less. I miss his Presence more and more, and yet, in the missing I know I become more and more connected to his Presence, his Love and Light that is within me, moving in every cell of my body.

In addition to the loss of my father, I have been dealing with changes in a relationship and not having the primary person who was in my life, during the time of my father's illness and death, here for me right now. Perhaps in some way they are here for me, on some level, but I've not been able to talk to them because they are upset or not happy with me. On some of my most difficult days, I've had to deal with not having the person who said they loved me here for me when I needed them the most. But, I know it's a blessing in disguise, as part of my journey of healing is to know that I am the only one who can comfort myself, ultimately. Yes, those around me can love me and care for me, and I am SO grateful for the incredible support and love I feel flowing all around me in my life right now. And yet, I know that in my deepest darkest moments I need to know how to rely on and comfort myself in my pain. Through the pain, the grace and blessings reveal themselves. And, that is perhaps what I am most grateful for in my life right now, is feeling the outpouring of love, support and positive energy from all of the amazing people around me in my life. If you are reading this...you are one of those people. Thank you to all of my true friends.

Also, I know I'm not alone in feeling this intensity that so many of us have been feeling...if not all of us. I want to remind you we are in the end phase of the Fall Season (Vinyasa). Remember, in Yoga, a vinyasa is a cycle and a cycle is anything with a beginning, middle and end. Everything in life is a vinyasa. Every season, day, and even in every breath there is a beginning, middle and end. Over the last couple of weeks I've been reflecting on the significance of the Fall Season and this sacred and powerful transition from Fall to Winter as we align with the Winter Solstice. I used to think of the Winter Solstice, which is on December 21st and is the longest day of darkness, as the beginning of a time of darkness with the Winter Season. (in other words thinking it's going to get worse before it gets better.) But, now I realize it is actually the turning point in our spiritual evolution. In other words, the time of darkness is now, where we are most challenged emotionally and spiritually to release regressive energy and align with the Light of Consciousness in a more powerful and positive way, allowing healing to move through our hearts and minds with ourself and everyone around us so positive changes can take place. In other words, right in this very moment we are in the time of the greatest intensity of death. Fall is the season of death or the great transition, release, letting go both in Nature and in our inner nature. And, because we are in the very end of Fall right now (with only two weeks until Winter), of course this feeling would be most intense at this very moment. But, the shift is happening and the positive change is taking place. So do not fight what is. Love and appreciate it being exactly the way it is because it is serving your evolution and transformation, and consider you even sought for it to be this way to serve your greatest good and the greatest good of everyone around you. Forgive whoever you need to forgive, including yourself. Love everyone around you because as Dharma Mittra would say...'Everything is God and everything is within you. It's like money, what good is it if it's out there, you want it in your pocketbook.'

The Winter Solstice is the turning point and it is a time of celebration. It means you have moved through some of the powerful spiritual lessons you have needed to learn. We are all learning these lessons both individually and collectively, and our collective consciousness is evolving, even though it doesn't always seem that way. As we grow through Winter, the darkness gradually grows shorter and we blossom and emerge into a new reality. This reality springs forth from the one we have planted for ourselves from the seeds we've reaped, from the spiritual harvest of Fall, from all that we have sown from the year before. In Yoga, we could say Winter Solstice is like the New Year of our spiritual evolution, the one which is in alignment with Mother Nature. It is the ending of one cycle of seasons and the beginning of a new vinyasa. So, while the intensity we are moving through may feel like more than we can handle, in moments, remember...you are actually being reborn from darkness into Light.

You'll notice the title of my last post was Glory, Glory, Hallelujah. When I wrote that post about a week ago I was thinking of my dad. He loved the Battle Hymn of the Republic. I can remember being in church with him growing up, or sometimes just in the car or around the house, and he would start singing that song. He would love to belt it out and sing it. In church, I always remember him singing louder in that song than any other song we would sing. Especially when it got to the chorus of Glory, Glory, Hallelujah you could feel his heart bursting it out. My dad had the best voice, so full of love.

When we were deciding what songs to sing at his funeral, I suggested we sing this song. We didn't end up singing it, but that was ok. Well, this morning when I went to my meditation group...(and of course also on the date of my dad's funeral a year ago) that was the last song we sang. It's Yoganandas version of the song, so the lyrics are basically just...

As we die to make men holy,
let us live to make men free,
His love is marching on.
Glory, glory, hallelujah.
Glory, glory, hallelujah.
Glory, glory, hallelujah.
His love is marching on.

Actually, I just read this was also Yogananda's favorite song and chant! How awesome. Well, guess what? My mom went to her church this morning. And, the song they sang during the offering, which they hardly ever sing was Fairest Lord Jesus. This was one of the songs we sang at my dad's funeral. He spoke to both of us in his own magical and mysterious way, reminding us and comforting us that His presence is always with us. What a miracle and blessing.

This month I'll be attending a 7 hour Christmas meditation with my meditation group. I would never have imagined a year ago, I'd be able to attend a 7 hour meditation. I'm ready and I'm really looking forward to it. I feel so blessed to be guided by Yogananda's teachings and all of the Christ-conscious gurus of SRF. This morning when I was at my meditation group, I noticed the sign that's in the picture above. I loved it so I took a picture of it. It must have been a Sunday school lesson for the children while we were in the meditation service. Recently, I've been reflecting on what a real friend is. What does it mean to be a true friend? I liked what the children had to say. I hope to have more friends like that in my life and I hope to always be a better, truer friend in that way to each and everyone I know. I love that they said that a friend 'hugs,' 'they don't judge people by their opinions' and 'not jealous.'

Here's a hug to all of you. Thank you for all the love and support you give back. If you are in Dallas, come to the Holiday Class at exhale this Saturday, December 12th from 3-5 pm with refreshments following. It's going to be an amazing, spiritually uplifting and positively transformational experience. I hope to get to share in this beautiful and inspiring class with you. We will be celebrating the Christmas season and the dawning of the Winter Solstice. Blessings...

1 Corinthians 13
Love
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

p.s.-Byron Katie will be in Houston and Dallas in January 2010. I've been getting the guidance to meet her for a long time, so I will be attending one of those events! My Thai Massage Teacher, Chock, is the one who mentioned it to me.Read more