Wow...long time no post. So, here is a long post. :)

I hope this finds you well. So many things I've wanted to express and communicate for so long but as Shiva Rea says, 'sometimes, life comes up.'

What came up with life? Well, for a few weeks I was seeing somebody a little...a guy. But, then I realized what I already knew, which is, this is the time for me to be single. I've been in and out of relationships for the past 8 years or so. I had three significant relationships during that time with the longest one lasting about a year and a half. All of those relationships were with women, although I've also dated men, as well. If I had to label myself anything I would label myself bisexual, although, I think labels are ultimately binding. I prefer to not label myself anything but to just be me. I believe bisexuality is much more prevalent than we realize, though. There's a lot of people, including therapists, who believe most people are bisexual. Although, it really has nothing to do with sex, I'm learning. That's such a small part of the big picture, although, an important part. Ultimately, it's about Love. And, that is how I let my heart lead me. It wasn't that I was actively seeking to date a woman...I just happened to meet women who I fell in love with. And, so, I let myself love them and I'm grateful I did. Will I end up with a woman? I have no idea. One thing I know is I will no longer go looking for Love, but, I will let Love find me. Love is all around me, and yet, I believe it's obvious when we know we have a connection with someone. I felt a connection with the person I met recently, although, I realized after a few weeks it wasn't a real Love connection with long-lasting potential. I'm realizing I will only explore relationships now if I feel that connection. I have no need to go out looking for it. I've always thought I would enter into a relationship with that person I intend to grow with for some time, be it to raise children, or whatever the intention is meant to be, when I am closer to 35. So, I've got time and, really, I've got more time than that...so in the meantime, it's my time...to nurture myself, to play, to grow, to enjoy all of the friendships and relationships in my life, to travel and take trips, to spend time in nature getting to know myself, to focus on the things I want to focus on to grow personally and professionally, and, to open to God's plan and surrender myself to what His vision for my life is and to align myself with that Intelligent Flow with each breath I breathe...

It's my time and I'm really ready to enjoy it on my own or in the company of my friends. All the Love we seek outside of ourselves is really inside of us, and so, we are our own soul mate. We don't need anyone else to feel complete, although it's wonderful to have a partner to share life with if that's meant to be. But, only if it's the right relationship that really aligns with us. I'm learning, though, that my idea of relationship is changing all the time. I'm in a place where I have no attachment to what that is supposed to look like, exactly, other than to share the journey of growing in a positive way with someone else. If I am meant to raise children with someone, then I would see myself sharing that journey with someone. It might look very unconventional, though...I don't have it all worked out yet, or, it hasn't worked itself all out through me, yet. I'm open to what I don't know that I don't know about how it's best for it to be or look. As Byron Katie says, love is an experience, it doesn't mean you have to live with the person. Do I believe in marriage? Yes. I do see myself being spiritually married one day...but who knows. I do have the vision of partnership with someone in my life, when I am really ready for that to be. I want to share a couple of quotes from Eckhart Tolle. My friend sends these out in his daily newsletter. He is a licensed therapist and his counseling practice is called Compassion Works. I love that name. That sums it up.

As I began class today I was talking about these quotes. What I said is that, through Yoga, we realize our relationship with everyone and everything including our Self and Highest Self. B.K.S. Iyengar says in his book, Light on Yoga, that Yoga is to yoke one's individual will with Universal Will. In other words, not my will, but Thy will be done. Yogananda says often we say this begrudgingly with a degree of dissatisfaction. Ideally, we would proclaim, Thy will be done! with enthusiasm and joy. Not my way, but, show me the way, and, help me! (It's ok to ask and pray for help, btw, in fact, it's suggested and recommended. Yogananda says to pray unceasingly. And, if you are really conscious, you will see you are praying in each breath. The question is, what is it you are praying for? What are the thoughts that are aligning with this inhale and exhale as you breathe? Thoughts of compassion, love, peace or otherwise?)

The intention of Yoga is oneness or harmony with all that is, our own body, mind and spirit and everyone else. Unconditional love for Self and everyone else. The teaching is whatever we wish or pray for our self, we are meant to pray and wish this for everyone without discrimination, even those we have felt have harmed or hurt us in some way. Yogananda says if you are a friend of your 'enemy' or whoever you 'think' your enemy is, even God will be your friend. This doesn't mean space and boundaries aren't needed, but the intention is to love your neighbor as yourself, even if you don't like him/her. Yogananda says we don't have to like everyone, but we must learn to love everyone as a soul. He says when you love anyone/everyone, even hateful vibrations can not penetrate you.

If you have a partner, then as the shift in consciousness happens in you, if it's not yet happened in your partner, it will frustrate those conditioned mind patterns, including the pain-body, in your partner that need your cooperation to keep themselves going.

The reactivity needs something to react against.

The pain-body needs another pain-body to feed on.

It needs your reactions.

So in the absence of that, there's frustration, and then there could be a shift in your partner.

It's enough for one partner to enter the surrendered state and then there's disorientation in the other partner for a while.

And then either the openness is there and the shift will happen, or you will separate, but it will be loving.

You will separate in love, well, not sure about your partner, but...

I've been exploring this relationship with the pain-body for quite some time now. In my last long-term relationship there was a tremendous amount of pain, it was during a very difficult time in my life. I would often have painful feelings in my body, physically, and instead of breathing into it, I would react against it or blame the person I was with for the pain I was experiencing. Yoga is meant to be healing physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and, as we heal ourselves, universally. As I would feel these uncomfortable places in my body, I would get upset. That relationship ended last June, and over the last (almost) year, I have done a lot of reflection and processing of my experiences and a lot of self-awareness work. (In the past, I would often get involved in another relationship right away and wouldn't take time to fully process and feel the one which had ended. I realized after this relationsihp I could no longer do that, but that I needed to take time to realy understand my experiences and feelings related to it and myself. I briefly dated two people over the past year, but that is it.) I was in a very unhealthy place when I met my last partner. My dad had just found out the cancer that was in his kidneys had metastasized to his lungs. It was a really painful time. When I met her, I was self-medicating. So, we participated in unhealthy habits together (drinking, etc)which resulted in a continuous breakdown of our relationship. I didn't want to feel the pain. Once we connected in that place, we couldn't break the pattern and get healthy together. So when we separated, a friend told me it would be essential for me to go a year with no physical intimacy with her. He said I needed to go 13 moon cycles, and that, when we have been intimate with someone we continue to share energy with them for a full year. I decided to follow his advice. He's also a psychic and a numerologist. Sex with someone can be an addiction like anything else, and we must be able to exist without it to be OK. As Michael Brown says, it surfaces all of our emotional stuff and issues that we need to look at and see. When a relationship is not formed in a conscious way, emotional patterns play themselves out, indefinitely, until we become conscious of what those patterns are that caused the breakdowns in the relationship. He said, after a year, then choose if you want to be in that relationship again. While it hasn't been a year, yet, and I still care about this person, I'm not attached to us being in a romantic relationship with each other anymore. It's been a tremendous year of growth. Everyone (like the Yoga poses) is our teacher and comes into our life for a reason to show us the things we need to see about ourselves. I hope there will be a lot of good things to see about myself, now, in any relationship I would grow into in the future, because I've done a lot of growing and learning how to be a better person, a better lover, someone who loves unconditionally and selflessly and is focused on giving rather than getting. (I'm not perfect, but I believe I'm growing healthier and better all the time) Even our most painful relationships can be great blessings in our life, or, our greatest teachers and I'm grateful for those relationships because of that. Who knows what God has in store. But, for now, I will be, happily, on my own awakening to His mysterious flow as I come to know what He intends, and is best, for me and my life. It feels awesome to know this is the time for me to be on my own, and yet, if Love flows into my life, I wouldn't resist it. But, I'm not actively trying to pursue a relationship right now, however, I'm of course open to the positive flow of Love, always.

"If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher." - Pema Chodron

What Eckhart talks about is completely related to the intention of Yoga as healing. So, as you feel uncomfortable places in the body, or heart, or mind, places that need to be breathed into and felt so they can be healed, we have two choices: to breathe into them openly and peacefully with love, compassion and acceptance of ourselves and others, OR, to fight against them, struggle with them and have negative thoughts and feelings about our self and others. I now choose the first one. All I can do is be the best person I can be. And, if someone I love doesn't intend to be that way there is nothing I can do to control them or make them be. As Michael Brown says, to love someone is to give them (and ourselves) the space to evolve. The only way life works is if we honor the Universal Principles, or Yamas of truthfulness, non-stealing, non-coveting, moderation and non-violence. If we don't, then there is karma we must deal with from our actions. We are all growing and evolving all the time, and yet, at a different pace. Some of us faster than others. When someone is not acting the way we wish they would we can either fight them and react against them, or love and have compassion for ourselves and them. Real change and healing in our self and others happens from loving, not from fighting. The same choice arises with tension in the body. How we react to tension in the body is how we respond to experiences and people in our life, either lovingly and compassionately or angrily and egoically. Which one will you choose?

"It's also helpful to realize that this very body that we have, that's sitting right here right now... with its aches and it pleasures... is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive." -Pema Chodron

When you are on your Yoga mat, move with awareness and take time to feel everything there is to feel in your body, heart and mind. We are all connected and we get to love ourselves and everyone into a better place with compassion and love in our hearts and minds. Shiva says in the last ten years since she let go of separating herself from others her life has become much better. Is it important to have space and boundaries she says? Yes. But, we are all connected and everything is an expression of ourselves. Whatever you wish for yourself we wish for everyone else, even those with whom we have felt some kind of struggle or pain. Compassion works, love works, indeed. This is Dharma Mittras message and why he suggests becoming a vegetarian...compassion, he says. Compassion, compassion, compassion. Shiva says let life flow into you. Do not push life away. All of your relationships, all of your experiences, allow them to flow into you and heal yourself into a better relationship with your body, heart and mind and them. Yes, sometimes, we must let go of the physical intimacy if it was a romantic relationship. If a choice is not best for us, we can always choose another choice, but as Eckhart says, at least we will part in peace and love with the person we've loved and love. Even if physical intimacy dissolves, the love and care remains and we allow ourselves to love someone, a past partner or anyone else, in a way that is better for ourselves and them. If a past partner wishes to stay connected as a friend, I believe it's best if we can allow ourselves to continue to care about the person in the best way possible, making sure it honors yourself, as well. It's a really powerful and a beautiful journey and evolution into a positive place with ourselves and everyone else. It doesn't mean there won't be tensions that arise, but it's understanding how to heal ourselves and these tensions in our relationship with ourselves and everyone else as we feel them, being non-reactive rather than reactive, dissolving old patterns and tendencies, no matter what the situation or experience is that arises. Feel it authentically, if it's anger, frustration or sadness...whatever it might be, but let go of blaming others for it. If someone did something that hurt you, you don't have to blame them, the Unviverse will take care of it with a powerful force called Karma.

"People get into a heavy-duty sin and guilt trip, feeling that if things are going wrong, that means that they did something bad and they are being punished. That's not the idea at all. The idea of karma is that you continually get the teachings that you need to open your heart. To the degree that you didn't understand in the past how to stop protecting your soft spot, how to stop armoring your heart, you're given this gift of teachings in the form of your life, to give you everything you need to open further." - Pema Chodron

Place your burden
at the feet of the Lord of the Universe
who accomplishes everything.
Remain all the time steadfast in the heart,
in the Transcendental Absolute.
God knows the past, present and future.
He will determine the future for you
and accomplish the work.
What is to be done will be done
at the proper time. Don’t worry.
Abide in the heart and surrender your acts
to the divine.
- Ramana Maharshi

So, now as I let myself open to loving anyone from my past or anyone else (even just as a friend or simply through space energetically)...I embrace what I feel in my body and Self along the way. If there is pain, I know the pain is the gateway into healing so I no longer resist it, but, I love it, instead, and I cultivate compassion for myself and everyone else that we are all being the best we know to be at this moment in time. When we know better, we will be better, when we are ready to be. As the gentleman at the car wash said yesterday, we are all works in progress. Beautifully said.

As I was practicing Yoga this morning I felt some discomfort in my body, and also, some sadness in my heart, reflecting on the loss of my father and the, sometimes, lingering pain of relationships or hurts from the past. There are still feelings there, at times, and I express and share those as it is best for me to express my heart and mind, and yet, I know now is not the time, nor may it ever be, for us to be anything other than friends. I'm OK with however it's supposed to be for I know Love will come into my life, again. (If a physical connection of any kind, i.e. active friendship must dissolve completely, with any past partner, for two people to grow independently of each other, then I allow myself to surrender to that, as well, i.e. loving and letting go. There's a song by Luka Bloom it's called See You Soon...it's wonderful...definitely one to download.) I felt the pain this morning and I let it flow into me and through me without resisting it. The tendency to fight it came up a little, or to just wish it would go away and I could just feel better. But, I let myself realize what is beautiful in the pain, because, in the pain is the healing. As I moved through the Yoga poses, I felt my body and paused in the places where I felt discomfort, for as long as I needed to, and breathed more deeply and fully into those places, with an intention in my heart and mind, connected to my breath, for healing to happen in my own body, mind and spirit and everyone I am connected to, especially the person we feel the tension or struggle with when we are breathing into those places, if there happens to be someone we think we feel a struggle with at that moment/time. If you look, you will often attribute your pain to someone or something outside of yourself. And yet, it isn't anyone elses fault. Everyone else is actually part of the solution to you knowing that better relationship with yourself if you are open to the Intelligence and grace guiding you into the better place to be with yourself, and everyone else, with each life filled breath you breathe.

Body workers understand what I'm talking about. They know that, sometimes, when massaging someone, it can feel as though they have taken on that persons tension or pain. I talked about this once with my first Yoga teacher and mentioned feeling as though I had absorbed someone elses 'stuff'. She said it's best to let it just flow through you and to let go of reacting against it or trying to push it away. Letting it flow through, rather than reacting or pushing against it, is the healing. Well, we can bring this practice to any relationship in our life. Feel the discomfort in your body and let it be there. That's the first step to acceptance and compassion. Then, without judging it, your body, yourself, or anyone else as good or bad or right or wrong, breathe into it and feel it and ask for the healing you are seeking. Of course you can always pray for yourself or anyone else who needs healing, especially those you feel hurt by, because it is they who are really in need of YOUR Love and compassion the most. If you are fighting them you are not loving them and it is no wonder why you feel frustrated or upset at them. So, practice loving yourself and EVERYONE else. This is the sacred teaching. As Shiva says, heal the schism. Even now as I write this, I can feel sadness, the need to release, so I let myself go into that, not as something that's wrong, but as part of this sacred Flow of life. I am feeling more and more courageous and open all the time about authentically being in whatever place I am in when I teach Yoga class. I no longer feel like I need to suppress or hide my feelings or emotions. If I am feeling some emotion, I will let myself feel and express that feeling openly with others, no matter what situation I am in, teaching a class, with a friend, wherever I might be. It's an allowing of life to move into me and through me, present to the pain and suffering of the world, and even my own Self, at times, and yet unafraid to feel it.

The guru is you, the healer is within you. Body work is wonderful. And, yet, all the body work in the world can not heal us. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own healing. You have the ability to make yourself better and the world a better place, one day at a time, one breath at a time. But, alcohol and drugs make that a difficult process...everything in moderation...but, this is why it's so important to free ourselves from our addictions so we can be conscious and compassionate and loving, and, strong-willed to grow in the best way we can for our self and everyone else. The world needs us to be healthy and well so we can share the Light and Love we are with others. Yogananda says the opposite of Will Power is not won't power, it's addiction. Yoga is such a powerful vehicle for healing us from our addictions. It keeps us anchored in what is best for us, and when we become enlightened to what that is we always have the choice to choose better. So, this is what I'm present to these days. With that being said, I'll be spending a lot of time in nature in the upcomimg months. Enjoying being outside, and, as you can see from the photo above, hanging from trees. Tree yoga is AWESOME! If you're interested you can check out a class in Dallas or you can purchase one of these slings for yourself and practice at home. It helps with the poses tremendously and is incredibly therapeutic and healing to be in nature and to open effortlessly. It feels amazing.

What else? One of the biggest projects I'll be focusing on, especially now that I'm officially single and loving it, is a website redesign. My vision is for this site to be interactive one day, with online podcasts, products and contributors to the True Yoga Blog. This will take some time, but I belive it'll be possible sooner rather than later. I'm ready to commit myself to this, so we'll see what happens. I'd love to be able to share Yoga classes and practices with those of you who read the True Yoga Blog from around the world.

Here's a couple more quotes from Eckhart which are so powerful. When we realize our interconnectedness with all things, we realize the positive difference our one life can make in this world. As we align ourselves with Truth, integrity and healing this can flow into the hearts and minds of everyone we know and the world can become a better place. I believe it. Anything is possible. And, as the Yogis realized, who practiced the Sun Salutations toward the Sun, Lightness or Goodness prevails over darkness, and yet, we need the darkness to come into the Light. Each one of us comes into it when we are ready. As Yogananda says, we will either be brought to our knees in desparation or devotion. What are you saluting? What is your intention? How will your one life make the world a better place? It is your ability to love others and yourself unconditionally which will determine the loving evolution of the planet. Om namah shivaya gurave~I see the Goodness in everything and everyone including myself.

Many are ready these days for that shift, even if they look unready on the surface.

There are many who look as if they didn't have a chance in this lifetime and maybe not in the next 5 or 10 lifetimes, but you could be very wrong.

And sometimes the most unlikely people are suddenly open, and all it requires is to come into your presence.

You might say a word or two and that's a trigger that awakens that which is already underneath all the mind structures.

Somebody who I met a long time ago at university wrote to me, "I wish I had never met you.

My life would be simple.

I would be conventional and normal."

Of course he doesn't know that it's not true...he would be very unhappy like everybody else. -Eckhart Tolle

One more thing about physical conditions...
because I've been told that some of you are having certain physical limitations here.

Limitations of the physical body for some people have been the only teacher.

Some have needed no other teacher than some continuous pain or continuous disability in the body.

And it drove them to the point of surrender.

The very same condition in other people drove them into more and more egoic contraction and misery and unhappiness. -Eckhart Tolle

I'll be back soon.

As you can tell, I'm going to be sharing my personal journey with you more and more. I hope it helps you to remember you are not alone and, perhaps, you will relate to what I share. We are all evolving into the best place we can be with each breath of the way. It is important to know how we need to release what we need to release and change (relationships, foods, unhealthy addictions/habits, etc. Shiva calls this 'dissolving') so we can focus our energy in a positive direction to grow in the best possible way personally and professionally. And, although it's not always easy, if we are willing to let go of our will and listen to the healing, loving voice inside of us it will guide us exactly where we need to go and will show us the way, how to be the best yogi, lover and friend we can be to ourselves and everyone else, AND, how to let go and let God, and, witness the miraculous manifestations, transformations, unfoldings and unravelings all around you and inside of you, each sacred step of the way, aligning you with positive changes in yourself and life, as you are strengthened and ready to make them.

"When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it's bottomless, that it doesn't have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space." - Pema Chodron

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.-Lao Tzu

And, I KNOW I'm not alone.

God bless~

p.s.-I have sought counseling from therapists, monks and nuns, regarding my sexuality. When I attended a service at an SRF temple in Encinitas, I talked to the monk, following the service, about my sexuality. He asked me what my concerns were. I said that I might go to hell. Or, that I'm not following the right path. He replied, Yogananda gave his talks in Hollywood at Hollywood temple. (implying that he spoke to a diverse group of people. Gay people, straight people, movie stars, etc. ) He said, we're all loving God, aren't we? And, I said, yes.

And, when I spoke with a nun last August at the SRF Convocation in Los Angeles I asked her about same sex relationships and whether it is considered ok or not ok. She said Yogananda (who was a teacher to Gandhi) never spoke about it, but, the present leader of SRF, Sri Daya Mata, has spoken about it. Daya Mata says that we all have a predeterminance for one or the other. Yogananda says we have all been women and men in past lives. He says every man is 52% man and 48% woman and every woman 52% woman and 48% man. She said it's important that whoever I am with knows I am here to find God or to walk a spiritual path. She said this is most important. And, she said look at it this way, you have more choices! We talked about many other things...living together, not living together and many things, as well. But, I can't deal with all that...I just gotta let myself love and be loved whenever the time is right again for me to surrender into love's embrace.

And, for now, I'll imagine I'm being hugged by all those I love and who love me because I could really use a good cry. I'll imagine anyone I've ever loved is hugging me right now and that, yep, that'll work. Thank you for helping me to remember I am ok and will be ok no matter what life presents me with and I can love myself and everyone else unconditionally with compassion.

I love Michael Franti! Here are lyrics from his song One Step Closer to You.

I've been down for far too long
Till my faith was nearly gone
I never knew somebody just like you
Could be a friend I could call my own

Till I let go of a broken heart
I let go to an open heart

I let go of my broken dreams
I let go to the mystery

And I believe in the miracles
I believe in the spiritual
I believe in the one above
I believe in the one I love

And take one step closer to you
I just take one step closer to you
And even when I've fallen down
My heart says follow through
I take one step closer to you

I never meant to hurt you, no
And you never meant to hurt me too
But it seems like you always do

And even though I'm scared sometimes
If ever see you fallen down
I will be the one that's there for you

So I let go of a broken heart
I let go to an open heart
I let go of my broken dreams
I let go to the mystery

And I believe in the miracles
I believe in the spiritual
I believe in the one above
I believe in the one I love

And take one step closer to you
I just take one step closer to you
Even when I've fallen down
My heart says follow through
I take one step closer to you

I'm walking, I keep on walking to you
I keep on walking to you
I'm walking, I keep on walking to you
I'm walking and I'm never going to stop now

I just take one step closer to you
I just take one step closer to you
I take one step closer to you
And it don't stop, I take one step closer to you

I just take one step closer to you
I just take one step closer to you
Even when I've fallen down
My heart says follow through

I'll take one step closer
I'll take two steps closer
Just take one step closer to you
I just take one step closer to you

And even when I've fallen down
My heart says follow through
I take one step closer to you
-Michael Franti

Om namah shivaya guraveRead more