(Picture of 82 year old B.K.S. Iyengar)

Free of desire, full of ease...

As I shared with you in my last post, my grandmother has been very ill, and actually passed away this past Wednesday night. So, I will be heading up to Ohio and will not be back to posting for about a week or so.

Today's post is from B.K.S. Iyengar's, Light on Yoga, and talks about the practice of Pranayama, or control and expansion of your breath. It can be said that Mr Iyengar is one of the premier Yogis responsible for introducing yoga to the West. B.K.S. Iyengar is over 80 years old and still remains unsurpassed in his practice and teaching. I find the part which talks about the mind being like a chariot to be an amazing analogy. Also, you'll definitely want to check out this new website I've recently been introduced to called Yogamates.com. Here, you can listen to and watch video clips from some of the greatest Yoga Masters in the world. The one by Beryl Bender Birch is wonderful. She says that the more we try to hurry up the process of whatever path we are walking down, the more we actually slow ourselves down. Rather, when we are patient, and allow it to unfold, moment-to-moment, breath-to-breath, we actually develop and progress faster on our way.

"Pranayama is thus the science of breath. The yogi's life is not measured by the number of his days but by the number of his breaths. Therefore, he follows the proper rhythmic patterns of slow deep breathing. These rhythmic patterns strengthen the respiratory system, soothe the nervous system and reduce craving. As desires and cravings diminish, the mind is set free and becomes a fit vehicle for concentration.

It has been said by Kariba Ekken, a seventeenth-century mystic; 'If you would foster a calm spirit, first regulate your breathing; for when that is under control, the heart will be at peace; but when breathing is spasmodic, then it will be troubled. Therefore, before attempting anything, first regulate your breathing on which your temper will be softened, your spirit calmed.'

The chitta (mind, reason and ego) is like a chariot yoked to a team of powerful horses. One of them is prana (breath), the other is vasana (desire). The chariot moves in the direction of the more powerful animal. If breath prevails, the desires are controlled, the senses are held in check and the mind is stilled. If desire prevails, breath is in disarray and the mind is agitated and troubled. Therefore, the yogi masters the science of breath and by the regulation and control of breath, he controls the mind and stills its constant movement.

The mind is said to be twofold-pure and impure. It is pure when it is completely free from desires and impure when it is union with desires." Light on Yoga, B.K.S. Iyengar

Have a wonderful weekend.
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"Everybody knows what the price of living is, why not take it slow, why not take it slow."

Well, this will be my third trip to Ohio in two months. First for my 10 year reunion, then a friend's wedding from college and now, I'll be returning again this weekend to see my grandmother, who is very ill and is in the hospital as I write this. I just received an update from my mother that they'll be moving my grandmother into hospice care at the hospital this afternoon, as one of her kidneys has began to fail. I last saw her in January of this year. At that time, she seemed pretty well. She is 89 and so has some health complications, poor circulation, diabetes, arthritis, but the last time I saw her, she was able to get around in her wheel chair and was still strong enough to get in and out of it herself.

It's hard to believe the rapid decline her health has taken in such a short amount of time. She has had several difficulties over the past 7 months, but has amazingly managed to rebound, never to her full strength, but well enough she could experience some degree of quality of life. Enough, perhaps, that it was worth living.

This last time, however, is seeming to be more than her body is able to recover from. I feel blessed I will be able to make the trip up there to be with my grandmother, my sister, who lives in Columbus, and brother and mother, both of whom traveled from Dallas. I know this will bring my grandmother a great deal of peace to have all of us there...

This week I've had a lot of time to reflect, especially because I was sick so I stayed home and didn't teach for a couple of days. I've cried everyday since last Friday, some of it has been about my grandmother, some of it has been about other experiences I'm working through. Nonetheless, it's been very emotional, and yet healing. The imminence of death, as the only known certainty in life, has been on my mind. When my mother told me last Wednesday, on the 12th, that my grandmother's health was rapidly declining, I didn't want to believe it was true. So, I avoided it. I wanted to call my grandmother, but couldn't manage to bring myself to actually doing it. Not until this past Monday. When I called her on Monday, she was at her nursing home. She sounded weak, slightly incoherent and distant. But, we were still able to have a conversation. I began to cry as I was on the phone with her. When I became quiet for a few moments, holding back from sobbing, she asked me, "Are you there?" I asked her how she felt, how her Spirit was, and she said it was pretty good, but that she felt annoyed, she was tired of "this", and didn't know how to make it stop happening.

She asked about when my brother and mother would be there. Then, she said she wished I could be there, as well. When she said this, I told her I would look into it, but in the back of my mind, I was thinking I probably wouldn't go. I struggled with the idea of seeing my grandmother in this condition, and thought it might be better to have the memory of her being somewhat healthy, as I remembered her in January. I went back and forth this past week, deciding whether NOW was the best time for me to go. "Maybe I can just go in a few weeks and see her then, it will be a better time...", I thought. Then, as I was driving home last night, my mom called me and said, "Your brother and I are going to be leaving tomorrow instead of Saturday. Your grandmother has gone into the hospital."

I began to realize, NOW, was the time for me to go. That there might not be a then. It's amazing how much peace Yoga brings me, especially, as I'm finding, in the times of the greatest uncertainty, which is our only certainty. Each of us will die, in the sense we will let go of our bodies. As my father said the other night, from the moment we are born, we begin to die.

I didn't like this when he said it. Though, I knew his words were true. It all depends on how we view this one known experience we all will share. I've titled this post, The Ultimate Awakening, because although this seems as though this is where life ends, to me, it is actually where it truly begins. Not that we can't be fully alive now, but death is the ultimate surrender (as far as we know it to be on this plane), the surreder of our physical self, and therefore, in the ultimate surrender, is the ultimate awakening. Ideally, it is awakening for each and every person as they make this transformation out of their physical body. But, not only is it awakening for a person as they pass through it, hopefully peacefully, but also for all those who experience the "letting go" of that person, as well. They say the most challening practice of non-attachment, is letting go of our attachment to our physical body, and of course, not just to our own, but to those who we truly love.

I began to feel stress last night, my whole body tensing up. "Why do I feel so stressed? Why is this stressful?"...I asked my mom. Well, because it is, she replied. But, how can death be a stressful thing, when it's the pose we all feel most at rest in when we come into it in our Yoga practice. Savasana. Even to say the word, is peaceful. It's the place where we become fully open. Where the mind is at rest, the body is at rest, and the heart is free. At times, we can feel the presence of this incredible Force of Life, vibrating our whole Being. And, it's the ideal place to come into to attune with the Truth, to hear the Truth, and receive guidance from a place we know resounds as True, because we can feel it in our Being.

So, I will see my grandmother tomorrow. I hope my Being there, will bring peace to her. I thought of this today, as I was driving back from class. It's called Song of the Soul, by Sankaracharya.

Song of the Soul

I am neither ego nor reason, I am neither mind nor thought,
I cannot be heard nor cast into words, nor by smell nor sight ever caught:
In light and wind I am not found, nor yet in earth and sky-
Consciousness and joy incarnate, Bliss of the Blissful am I.

I have no name, I have no life, I breathe no vital air,
No elements have moulded me, no bodily sheath is my lair:
I have no speech, no hands and feet, nor means of evolution-
Consciousness and joy am I, and Bliss in dissolution.

I cast aside hatred and passion, I conquered delusion and greed;
No touch of pride caressed me, so envy never did breed:
Beyond all faiths, past reach of wealth, past freedom, past desire,
Consciousness and joy am I, and Bliss is my attire.

Virtue and vice, or pleasure and pain are not my heritage,
Nor sacred texts, nor offerings, nor prayers, nor pilgrimage:
I am neither food, nor eating, nor yet the eater am I-
Consciousness and joy incarnate, Bliss of the Blissful am I.

I have no misgiving of death, no chasms of race divide me,
No parent ever called me child, no bond of birth ever tied me:
I am neither disciple nor master, I have no kin, no friend-
Consciousness and joy am I, and merging in Bliss is my end.

Neither knowable, knowledge, nor knower am I, formless is my form,
I dwell within the senses but they are not my home:
Ever serenely balanced, I am neither free nor bound-
Consciousness and joy am I, and Bliss is where I am found.

Shanti, Shanti, Shanti, Om

I love you grandma. Thank you for being such an amazing grandmother. And, all of the incredible memories. From the time I was a little girl, you were always there, listening to me play the piano, attending my dance recitals, piano recitals. Spending weekends at your house, playing card games with you. As I grew into a young woman, coming up to spend the weekend with you when I was in college, going out to dinner, drinking wine, staying up late, watching tv together. I know you'll be with me, wherever you are, and I'm so grateful to have had all this time to get to spend with you...infinite peace.
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The Kingdom of Heaven.

Matthew 6:33 - "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

"Oswald Chambers said, "Immediately we look at these words of Jesus, we find them the most revolutionary statement human ears ever listened to. 'Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven.' We argue in exactly the opposite way, even the most spiritually-minded of us -- 'But I MUST live; I MUST make so much money; I MUST be clothed; I MUST be fed.' Jesus reverses the order: Get rightly related to God first, maintain that as the great care of your life, and never put the concern of your care on the other things."

Of course today's post is of no coincidence (following my previous post: Conflicting Wishes.) One of my students, (who are often my greatest teachers just as much as the "Yoga Masters" and "Gurus" I've studied with) recently gave me a video ipod cast of a gentleman by the name of Adyashanti. (You can listen to some of his teachings online by clicking on his name.) Consumed with the questions, "Which way should I go?", "What should I do?", "What do I want?",swirling around in my head, when I listened to the teachings of Adyashanti, the cloudiness that had settled upon my mind began to see the light of the Self shining through clearly again.

Adyashanti speaks of seeking the Truth, first. Perhaps, somewhere in our Being, we all have an awareness that this is what we are ultimately looking for or seeking. However, the practice, is to live in this awareness, moment to moment, breath to breath. How often do we allow ourselves to become preocuppied with all of our external affairs and to become disconnected from the Truth and from knowing the Truth? As I sat and listened to his talk, I began to see how much I had been focusing on the frivolous affairs of my life.

"All we have to look at is what's really important, what we really want. It helps to clear away all this clutter of this egoic trance. It's literally a trance. But, what am I? What's actually important? And, that's a Grace, when the desire for what is True, for the Truth of our Being, is actually the most important thing, and stays the most important thing. Sustains itself. And, it's amazing when that starts to happen in a human being, only when that desire for Truth sustains itself, and when we realize the Truth of our Being to be the One, when our love of that sustains itself... It wasn't just "Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and then forget about it." But, when it sustains itself, then that's freedom. Then, myseriously, the rest, all else is added unto you. It means when you are really awake in the Truth, you find you just start to fall into this flow. You are actually flowing with the movement of life itself. Mysteriously, things open up that need to open up, things happen that are perfect to happen. Life has a way of taking care of itself. This is an amazing thing to actually realize in yourself. When life is not dominated by this impulse to sustain itself. When it's finally free of the impulse to sustain itself, free from that, then actually life sustains itself even without that impulse. Ego's think I must strive to survive, I must strive to get what I want, I must, I must, I must, I must...that's the trance. That's the asleepness. When it's finally let go of, things work. Life takes care of itself."- AdyashantiRead more

"Doubt is the result of conflicting wishes. Be sure of what you want and doubt becomes impossible." - A Course in Miracles

To be or not to be, that is the question. Exactly, and as long as we remain in that place of indecisiveness, the inevitable outcome is uncertainty and doubt. I am beginning to realize how much of a part doubt plays in my life, seems as though it is often the lead role. Which way should I go, what should I do, what do I want, I don't know? So many choices, opportunities, paths before me, which is a blessing, but all too often, can feel like a curse, just as much.

Take the latest "two roads diverged in a road" scenario. For the past seven months, I've been considering an opportunity to move to Asia to teach with the largest group of Yoga studios in the world called Pure Yoga. This has been one of the most challenging decisions I have ever had to make. Sometimes there are so many things I want. I want to be part of a diverse community of the best Yoga instructors in the world so I can continue to grow and learn and expand as a teacher. I want to ever-increasingly become the best teacher I can be, I want to see the world, travel, develop Yoga workshops, retreats, teacher trainings...I want to promote my new True Yoga DVD, create additional DVD's. I want to develop a radio show, have a Yoga program on TV, I want to be able to touch my feet to my head in Upward Facing Dog, grab a hold of my ankles in Wheel Pose, jump from Downward Facing Dog into a Handstand, hold the Handstand, and then land back in Downward Facing Dog. I want to be a part of the healing transformation of the planet, contributing to the awakening of peace in every heart and mind around the world, I want to start a non-profit charity which will provide Yoga classes to every school throughout the country and the world. I want to continue to teach and develop the incredible connections with the people I currently teach in my classes, I want to empower people, specifically women, to Awaken to their True Potential with every breath they breathe, I want to be a Force for Good and Awaken to my Highest Good...I want to experience the deepest connection possible with myself, my Creator and others, true unconditional love with a significant other, seeing the light/Divinity in myself and in others, not just sometimes, but all the time, I want to learn how to bi-locate, I'm not kidding, I do. I want to realize financial freedom, because I believe it is our God Given responsibility to do so, however that looks. I want to know the Truth, see the Truth, feel the Truth, be the Truth, and see the energy which is invisible to the eye, but igniting all things. "What is essential, is invisible to the eye."

So, how will I know if Asia is the "right" opportunity? Maybe the first part is to be clear about what I want, as the quote says. Then, I'll know, because it will either align with my wishes, or it won't.

These wishes are only the beginning, and they are ever-expanding. The vision is there, it's just knowing which vehicle is the best one to support me in getting there. But, I know, it's all Good. And, as Pattabhi Jois says, "It's all coming." I feel better already, just having taken time to express all of these wishes, is helping me to clear out my mind.

Thank Goodness for blogging.

And, for meditation, that's the next step, to take time to be still and listen.

"Don't just do something, sit there."-Osho

I hope this inspires you to at least journal your wishes, so you can set yourself free of doubt and be filled with Faith and confidence...

"Two roads diverged in the woods, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."-Robert Frost

Namaste! Read more