"I know sometimes you feel like you don't fit in, and this world doesn't know what you have within. When I look at you I see something rare, a rose that can go anywhere. And, there is no one I know that can compare. What makes you different makes you beautiful. What's there inside you shines through to me, in your eyes I see all the love I'll ever need. What makes you different makes you beautiful to me." - Backstreet Boys

"The problem is you're...too busy holding onto your unworthiness." - Ram Dass

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleannor Roosevelt

"Every man stamps his value on himself...man is made great or small by his own will." - J.C.F. von Schiller

"Resolve to be thyself...he who finds himself loses his misery!" - Matthew Arnold

I just finished my first official week of teaching Yoga at Exhale Spa. I am already experiencing many changes within myself as I embark upon this new opportunity and journey. Something I am becoming aware of is my uniqueness. And, how much I struggle with embracing what makes me different. There are three teachers, including myself who currently teach the majority of classes at Exhale. Two of the teachers have been based in the downtown area over the past couple of years teaching at various locations up until they made the transition over to Exhale. As a result, they have developed a "following" of students who are considering making the transition over to Exhale. This whole week, Exhale has been offering complementary classes for the community to be able to try out and experience their Yoga and Core Fusion programs.

The main style of Yoga which is currently taught at Exhale's Dallas location is called Music Yoga Flow. Music Yoga Flow is Vinyasa Yoga taught to modern day music which the teachers put together on their ipods making playlists for each class. Anything goes from rap to reggae to rock. The music is played fairly loudly as the teacher guides the class through various postures, without significant attention to detail. At several of their other locations throughout the country, Music Yoga Flow is not the main class on the schedule. Because Exhale employs some of the best teachers in the nation at their studios in New York and California, teachers like Seane Corn, Erich Schiffman, and Shiva Rea, each of these teachers teaches their own unique style of Yoga. Therefore, Music Yoga Flow is not the main class offered and at some of their studios it is not on the schedule at all.

However, here in Dallas, it is the main style of Yoga currently being offered. The reason for this, is the two teachers who teach several classes a week, both teach similarly, having practiced together for the past year, and they both teach Music Yoga Flow and have taught it previously. One of the teachers studied with the founder of Music Yoga Flow in Arizona, before moving to Dallas a few years ago. So, needless to say, their teaching style is in alignment with the signature style of Yoga class Exhale is currently offering here in Dallas.

One of the things which attracted me to Exhale, is they really embrace the individual styles of their teachers. This is why at their other studios or here in Dallas, it's not about making their teachers teach a certain way, i.e. Music Yoga Flow, but celebrating the individuality of what each teacher has to offer. When the two founders took class with me, this is what they experienced. One of the founders told me I would be completley aligned with what Exhale is about after taking my class. He told me they offer several different styles of classes, i.e. Music Yoga Flow which is more of a fitness oriented class, set to music, and a vigorous flow. He said I could teach this, but that my style really would fit under a more "spiritual" style of class. That's why on the schedule, I am not listed as a Music Yoga Flow teacher.

"Spiritualtiy is...the awareness that survival is the savage fight between you and yourself." - Anon.

"Believing in our hearts that who we are is enough is the key to a more satisfying and balanced life." - Ellen Sue Stern

So, I've found myself embracing new challenges this week, as I begin my journey with Exhale. I am looking forward to these opportunities for awakening and growth. Yet, sometimes I become scared or fearful, or uncertain and insecure about who I am and what I am doing. To be the different one is not always easy. The tendency is to question if I should just change what I am doing to fit in with everyone else, and maybe have more students attending my classes, if this is what's most popular right now. I trust eventually, I will develop my classes at Exhale, but, how much easier would it be if I just adapted myself to what's popular right now. Even though I don't take these thoughts seriously, they still present themselves. I've had experiences where I've questioned what I'm doing in the past, and everytime I've had one, I become stronger in the process when I move through that uncertainty and doubt, which ultimately awakens me to increased clarity of vision, focus and purpose.

I really have struggled with this over the past day. I taught quite a large group of people last night at Exhale. A few of those people were students of mine from a previous location. But, most of the class was people I'd never met before, who were in essence, "trying me out" to see if they liked my style.

Sometimes the temptation to follow the crowd is powerful. Sometimes, it has me question myself and doubt myself when I realize I'm not like the crowd. That's when I remembered the words from the Backstreet Boy's song when I was on my way to teach class today at the Pizza Hut Headquarters. Ah, that's right. What's special about me, is my uniqueness, my individuality, my differences. And, embracing my own unique and special light and allowing it to shine, is the greatest service I can give.

"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people to do the same." - Marianne Williamson

As I walked into Pizza Hut today to teach class, I was feeling a bit down and emotional. Overwhelmed by everything and doubting myself. I asked the security guard, Lavette, if she could buzz me into the workout center. As she walked me down to the door, I began talking to her about how I was feeling. About my new experience at Exhale, and how challenging it had been for me during the one evening class I taught the night before. How I felt like everyone was their "trying me out" seeing if they liked "my style." How I struggle with being different, and how sometimes I doubt who I am, what I'm doing. She replied:

"God made you to be different. That's how he wants you to be. You're unique and special and that's what makes you wonderful. Don't every forget that. God made you that way, that's the way he want you to be."

Here's to letting your own, and my own unique and beautiful and different light shine. What makes you different makes you beautiful.

Have a wonderful weekend embracing your light!

"We will discover the nature of our particular genius when we stop trying to conform to our own or to other people's models, learn to be ourselves, and allow our natural channel to open." - Shakti Gawain

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I thought I was settled and ready to start blogging again a couple of weeks ago. But, it turns out it's taken me some time to get settled. As many of you know, I began a new work opportunity this week with Exhale spa. I'm going to post the information I sent out in this month's newsletter so you are up-to-date with what's been happening to True Yoga these past few months. Many wonderful things are unfolding. As things begin to return to some degree of a consistent schedule, I will begin blogging again more regularly, i.e. at least two times a week. Until then, may you be filled with bliss with every breath of life you breathe.

"Embracing the Goddess energy within yourselves will bring all of you to a new understanding and valuing of Life. A vision that inspires you to live and love on Planet Earth. Like a priceless jewel buried in dark layers of soil and stone, Earth radiates her brilliant beauty into the caverns of space and time. Perhaps you are aware of those who watch over your home, and experience it as a place to visit and play with Reality. You are becoming aware of Yourself as a Gate Master..." - Enigma, Push the Limits

I have some wonderful news to share with you. But, before I get to it, which you can read all about it in the next section, I'd like to take a moment to talk about what I've learned and am learning from this experience. When I closed the True Yoga Studio last October, it was a difficult time not just for myself, but for many of us who felt like True Yoga was a home, a place to nurture us into being well in body, mind and spirit. The last ten months have been a time of intense soul searching. Often I would question if I was on the right path, doing the work I am meant to do. At times, I wanted to quit, give up, let it all go in search of something new. The first few months after the studio closed were the hardest. I enjoy being busy, and letting go of the responsibility of having a studio and all which that entails, while I patiently allowed new teaching opportunities to open up, was extremely challenging. But with time, I found myself busy again teaching throughout several studios and a corporate location in Dallas.

As many of you know, I created the first ever True Yoga DVDduring the last ten months. It still wasn't enough, though. I longed for something more. Something that would inspire me to grow to new places in myself, my practice, my teaching and awaken to my true potential. I think more than anything I was searching for a strong sense of community, peers I could share in the love, joys and challenges of growing on this amazing journey of Yoga with and together.

"We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men." - Herman Melville

So I searched, far and wide to find it. For the past ten months I had my sights set on Asia as I considered an opportunity I had to teach with Pure Yoga, the largest group of Yoga studios in the world. I pondered and wrestled with the decision of whether leaving everything, family, friends, all of the life I had created, work opportunities and developments, and heading to the Far East, was the right thing to do. Yet, feeling such an overwhelming absence of community here in Dallas, continued to have me look deeper and deeper into moving forward with the opportunity in Asia. Pure Yoga seemed to have it all, beautiful, state-of-the-art Yoga studios, an incredible team of the most talented teachers from around the world, and a passion for Yoga which is so dynamic and contagious, it's spreading exponentially throughout Hong Kong, Singapore, Taiwan and beyond. I didn't believe it would be possible for me to find this here. And, in my past five years of being in Dallas, there was nothing happening on any level like that.

Then, at a party I was at in July, I had a conversation with a fellow Yogini friend of mine who shared with me about the new Exhale Spaopening here in Dallas. At the time, I didn't really think much about it, and wasn't really considering exploring what Exhale is all about. I had my sights set on Asia, and wasn't open to the opportunities right before my eyes. Nor, did I really want to see them. I wasn't happy here, really. It was ok. But, not great. This is how I'd been living my life for the past five years. Never fully content with the moment I was in and always searching for the thing that was going to make it better. The only thing I could see being better was moving out of Dallas, getting away. So, I was closed to experiencing the fullness of the moment. Even though, all that I teach is about awakening to each moment, fully and completely. Realizing that It's All Here Now. Yet, my eyes were closed and my heart was discontent, and so I looked everywhere but here.

"He that is discontented in one place will seldom be happy in another." - Aesop

During this time of soul searching, one of the most powerful things I did was to really develop my own daily, personal Yoga practice. I began committing myself to learning poses which I had never before thought I'd be able to do. To my amazement, I began to be able to open up into these poses. In February of this year, I learned how to do a Handstand and actually hold it for a minute or more. Then, I began to explore King Pigeon Pose, and various other advanced postures. The development and commitment to my own practice has been one of the most life-changing experiences I've ever had, and the incredible thing is I didn't have to go anywhere to find it, but within my own self. Day after day, I would return to my mat and practice these poses which I had been so challenged by in the past and had stopped exploring as possibilities. These openings in my body transcended into my mind, my heart and my spirit. Breathing easier, feeling grounded, confident and content in the moment, and experiencing all of my life aligning and moving with this amazing Flow.

I began a new relationship with my self. I began to be in the moment that is NOW. I began to consider that moving away from Dallas, was not so much about what Dallas was missing, but what I was missing in connecting to mySelf. That it's not out there, or over there, but right here, right now, within me. One day as I drove down 75 to downtown, I saw largely and clearly the sign hanging from the Hotel Palomar off of Mockingbird. Exhale Spa, it said, largely, boldly. I decided in that moment, I would contact them. I began to look into their company, their vision and mission and all that they are about. Immediately, I was inspired and impressed. The more I learned, meeting the directors and founders of Exhale, the more I was amazed at how everything I was looking for on the other side of the world, was going to be arriving right here in Dallas.

So, here I am, writing this newsletter, sharing with you about this incredible gift I've found right here, right now. A gift which seems to offer everything I'd been looking for elsewhere, disbelieving in the possibility it could ever be here now, and yet here it is. Right on time, not a moment too soon, not a moment too late, but right at the moment I was ready to see it.

"Seeing is believing." - Harry Potter

"Each of us makes his own weather, determines the color of the skies in the emotional universe which he inhabits." - Fulton J. Sheen
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As a teacher, I've had lots of opportunities to "let-go" of needing it to be perfect and to be "in control". In the past 4.5 years, I've taught in places where it's been freezing cold, loud and noisy, music blaring and even punching bags being punched. My biggest challenge whenever teaching in these conditions, is to remain present and not become distracted by what's happening around me. To continue to guide the class deeper into their body, mind and spirit, and to be able to go there with them, despite the fact I might be feeling bothered by the distractions around me. In one of the places I teach currently, where the conditions are never certain, just like the world we live in, it's been a true growing process to be able to teach in whatever conditions are present, and still be able to focus and feel peaceful in the experience. In other words, to not need it to be different than how it is, but rather, to find the peace in exactly how it is. I must say I feel I've made strides in my ability to be able to be in seemingly stressful situations, and to still remain grounded and at peace with the moment I'm in and ultimately my Self.

Despite the opportunity for growth which is present everytime I find myself in a challenging situation as a teacher, I still want the space I'm teaching in to be as ideal as possible. And, I strive to create this everytime I teach. You might say I'm a bit of a "control-freak" when it comes to creating the optimal space for Yoga. I want the music to be the perfect pitch, the room to be able to warm to the appropriate temperature and the space we're practicing in to be serene and still. See, when the conditions in the room are controlled, then I feel a sense of control over what is, and that the students will have the best experience possible, and this has me feel grounded and secure, focused and clear.

I understand this is the complete antithesis of what I teach, but I struggle with letting go of needing to be in control as much as anyone else. The reason why I struggle with letting go of it, is because the control is like a security blanket and a disguise I can cover myself up with, so that my insecurities and uncertainties remain hidden from myself and others. The one thing we are most afraid of seeing is our own Self. Sure, many of us are seeking to know ourselves, especially those of us who practice self-awareness through something like Yoga, but nonetheless, when we actually become undone, and things start unraveling at the seam, and we feel a loss of control, we see who we really are, in the face of uncertainty and we realize the wardrobe we've been covering ourselves up with, might really just unravel right off and leave us completely naked. Yoga is the coming undone, the unraveling of all of our cover-ups and the letting go of the fear that keeps us hidden. (One breath at a time, of course, all at once would be a bit much to handle.)

And, we all cover ourselves up in one way or another. For some of us, it's our "perfect" job, spouse, house, car, hair, body, tan, face-lift, lyposuction, tummy tuck, botox, etc., etc., you get the idea. It's our controlled identity, the one we tune into when everything is being held together and we feel in control of ourselves and our circumstances.

Last night, I had an appointment to teach a private lesson out of my home. (I have a wonderful space I've created for Yoga in my new place where I live downtown.) I rushed (again, the antithesis of what I teach) to get from Frisco to downtown Dallas in time to teach the class to him. When I arrived, he was here and we went into my house, and I began to set up for the lesson...making sure everything would "be perfect." My mind was so busy from all the hurrying I had done, I couldn't even here the incessant beeping of the alarm system for the first five minutes we were here. We were engaged in conversation and I was rushing around to get everything set up. Then, when I finally began to settle down, I asked him, "What's that beeping noise?" Sure enough, it was the alarm system and it was beeping because the electricity had gone off earlier in the day. But, since it is my partner's place where I am living, I had no idea how to turn it off. Here I was, in my perfect controlled environment, and yet feeling a complete loss of control. It wasn't so much the beeping which bothered me as it went off all throughout the session and into Savasana, I managed to make the best of it, while we were in it. It was after our session, I began to feel all of the tension welling up within me. It wasn't only the beeping sound which had me feel tense, the tension was building all throughout the day, the beeping was the "last straw" as they say. It was the coming undone, the unraveling at the seams. I could no longer avoid what I'd been putting off, covering up and pretending was not there. (or at least had planned to get to "later")

Last night after the session, I felt tense, which has hardly ever happened after I teach, and certainly not recently. So, I let myself feel my tension, and I'm still feeling it today. The beeping is gone, (it just took pushing one button to turn it off) but I'm still feeling a bit uptight about things. Last night when I began to allow myself to feel everything I'd been holding in for the day, the week, and truthfully, the last 4 years, I began to cry. I let myself feel the pain which was present and has been present for quite some time now. The pain of missing feeling close to my family. I have struggled with not feeling accepted by my family. In the past I was involved in a relationship they did not approve of, and it was hard because I distanced myself from them emotionally and became closed to sharing my personal life with them. I want to be able to share my life with them, the relationship I am in, and to be able to share this joy with them. What I realize is there is a lot of hurt I never allowed myself to feel, and in order to be able to open up to the new possibility, the possibility of a close and loving relationship with them, filled with openness, I must first feel the pain I experienced over the past few years. Last night as I cried, I wondered, where all the time had gone. My mom has expressed this pain before, the pain of feeling like she's lost time with me, but I never really got it or felt it, until now. I don't believe it serves us to lament about the past, but rather, to feel the unfelt feelings so we can open up to the new. Everytime we are in a Yoga pose, this is what we are practicing, breathing into the tightness, the old, the tension, the hurt, so we can feel it, and then open up to the flexibility, the lightness, the openness, the new, the Goodness.

There are so many wonderful things happening in my life right now. Next week I'll begin teaching at Exhale Spa in Dallas, one of the premier Yoga studios in the country which employs some of the most talented instructors, teachers like Erich Schiffman, Seane Corn, and David Romanelli all teach with Exhale at their locations in California. I feel so blessed to be a part of this incredible vision and organization and to have such an amazing place to teach and practice Yoga.

Nonetheless, I still have my challenges to work through, my places of healing, my alarms to make peace with resounding in my life. I embrace the journey of going within, into the tightness, the tension, the heaviness, my Self, so I can feel and let go of the cover ups, unravel at the seams, come undone, be authentic, be real and be healed.

Namaste!

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