Well, let's see...much has transformed since I last wrote about the 'wondrous' wallet episode. The breakdown of losing, and then finding, my wallet shined light on many situations in my life where I had been neglecting to listen to my intuition.

So, I've spent the last week and a half growing through these changes. What supported me greatly in going through this particular experience of loss was The Chapter 7 Webcast on Oprah.com from A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle. This part is in the first 10 minutes of the webcast. If you haven't been watching these webcasts...it's time to join the awakening and listen. There are over several hundred thousand people worldwide who are participating in these weekly webcasts and experiencing amazing shifts and transformations in their lives. I have found every class to be incredibly beneficial. These webcasts have also supported me in making some of the changes I needed to make in a peaceful way, particularly with a shift in a relationship...

Here is the excerpt which was so powerful for me:

"Before you ask any other questions, first ask the most fundamental question of your life...Who am I? You are not the ego. When you become aware of the ego in you, it doesn't mean you know who you are, it means you know who you are not. But, it is through knowing who you are not that the greatest obstacle to truly knowing yourself is removed."

The best starting point is to ask, Who aren't I?

When you realize who you are not, then suddenly who you are becomes revealed to you. Who you are cannot easily be put into words, because if it could it could be answered in one simple sentence, and then everybody could repeat that answer and believe that they know who they are.

So, we start with knowing who we are not. And that begins for people, sometimes with loss...if they lose something, a valuable they had identified with, or death comes into their lives, some kind of breakdown or disaster happens...sometimes those people suddenly awaken. Some thing has been taken away from them that they had identified with for many years, that had become part of their sense of self. And, if something very fundamental that has been part of your sense of self has been removed...death, loss, someone close to you who dies, then at first of course it leads to enormous suffering and you feel as though part of you had died also.

For some people that happens even if they lose posessions, because they were so identified with their posessions that when their posessions are removed they feel there's nothing left of me. Another situation related to posessions is social position. If people fall from some high social position, then these people, it can be extremely painful if they had become totally identified either with their posessions or social position and they are suddenly faced with a kind of huge emptiness in their lives. And the question arises...I'm nobody anymore?

And this is a decisive point where they can either continue to resist and suffer, resist what has happened internally...complain about it, tell themselves a story about it, how it's all collapsed. Or, they can suddenly come to a point of acceptance of what happened. And, acceptance of the present moment. So, the thing that was so important in their lives, actually left behind...I sometimes compare it to...you look at a person's life, it's a tapestry...it consists of all kinds of things that one identifies with...and when a great loss happens it's almost as if suddently there is a huge hole in that tapestry of my life. And, that is painful when you identify with the tapestry. But, behind the tapestry there is a Light that shines through. Because, without the Light there wouldn't be anything at all. That's why you can even see your life. Without the Light of Consciousness...nothing would be.

I'm using a kind of analogy...so when you don't resist...then this hole that's suddenly appeared in this tapestry of your life...there's a light that shines through that. There's suddently a peace that comes when the emptiness, that is left behind by the form that has dissolved, is not resisted internally. And, then through that empty space there comes what the Bible calls...the peace that passes all understanding. Because you can't explain suddenly...and people have reported that this has happened to them. They lost...sometimes in some cases...everything...they suffered at first...and then suddenly an inner shift happened. They accepted.

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In God We Trust...

It's been quite the week. Not only was my wallet lost last weekend, it was amazingly returned to me this past Wednesday with everything in it. I learned it is possible to be a little too mindless. If I told you what I was carrying around with me in my wallet you would think I'd 'lost' it...(my mind, that is.) Not only was there a significant amount of cash in it, but a paycheck, two credit cards, a debit card, my social security card, my checking and saving account numbers written down, gift cards from several different stores, and oh ya, my driver's license...

So, to stay the event was stressful, is an understatement. Of course, it only illuminated, as I wrote in the previous post, all of the other situations in my life where I have been being unconscious. Unconsciousness exists anytime we've been prompted to wake up, but continue to hit the snooze button and go back to sleep. If I look back, I realize my intuition suggested to not keep my Social Security card with me, and it definitely urged me to not carry that much cash. (And, it has guided me to transform certain relationships that have needed to change for their benefit and mine.) As I mentioned several posts back, when I attended Dharma Mittra last month he Highly suggested we become compassionate vegetarians to rapidly accelerate our spiritual growth. He suggested giving up all meat, (including fish), for a month to experience the impact it would make. He said if we do not eat meat, we will clear our psychic channels and awaken Divine perception/intuition. I don't think he meant in just a month, but, that it is possible to become that intuitive. The psychic channels are the Nadis, the intricate energetic pathways of our energetic body. You might think of the Nadis as being as intricate as the nervous system and the complex webbing of veins throughout the physical body.

Dharma's message is about having direct experience. Try it and see. So, I made it one month without fish. (I have not eaten meat, chicken or pork since 2003.) It's been intense, yet incredible. I literally felt a mourning when I stopped eating fish. I felt myself grieving letting go of the enjoyment that I derived from this food. I mean, I love sushi. It's one of my favorite foods. I knew it was going to have an impact in all aspects of my life. I haven't yet decided how it will look for me. When I was in California I met a lady who called herself a receivatarian. She doesn't eat meat, but if she goes to a friend or family member's house who is serving meat, she will eat it. Not that I would eat the meat, but I like this philosophy of not being too rigid and serious about the whole thing.

Interestingly, after losing my wallet on Friday night, I had a dream the same night that it was returned to me. When I woke up Saturday morning, there were a few moments when I wondered if maybe I had just dreamt losing it. I went out to my car thinking, "Surely, I just left it in my car and didn't see it last night." But, no wallet. I accepted the loss. I said to God and the Universe that if the person who had my wallet needed the cash, I wanted them to have it. All I hoped for was to have my articles returned to me, including the 9 digit number attached to my identity. So, I chose not to believe in the dream, and instead, to accept the reality of the moment. I was afraid of wishful thinking and then being disappointed, again, if it didn't come back.

Well, Wednesday morning, I received a call from my health insurance company, oh ya, my health insurance cards were in there, too. "We were wondering if you lost a wallet." I replied, "What, oh my gosh, are you kidding me?!!?" They proceeded to give me the gentleman's name and phone numbers who had found it. Before I hung up the phone I said, "I love you guys!... I love Dallas!" The lady just laughed and hung up the phone. I called the gentleman who had found it lying in a gutter the next night. I don't even know how he saw it because the wallet is black. He said he had been trying to contact me since Sunday. He called my gym, but they had not contacted me. Then, he called my credit card companies and found out I had canceled the cards. He said he was relieved because he knew I was still alive. Then, finally my health insurance company got a hold of me.

I said to him, "Well, the cash is gone, right?" "No," he said, "It's all here." "How did you see it?" I asked him. "I don't know," he said. "I just see things, I'm weird like that."

So here's a little of what I have learned:

1) Listen, trust, and follow your Intuition.
2) Pray, a lot.
3) Do not keep anything you would be sad to lose in your wallet.
4) Surrender and accept the lessons there are to learn in any situation, pleasant or upleasant.
5) Believe in Goodness and be open to the Unbelievable.
6) Be receptive to God's Grace. (that's a Dharma quote)

Here's an amazing poem I have to share with you. I found this book when I was in L.A. for Yoga training with Shiva. The book is called The Gift Poems by Hafiz.

Troubled

Troubled?
Then stay with me, for I'm not.

Lonely?
A thousand naked amorous ones dwell in ancient caves
Beneath my eyelids.

Riches?
Here's a pick,
My whole body is an emerald that begs,
"Take me."

Write all that worries you on a piece of parchment;
Offer it to God.
Even from the distance of a millennium

I can lean the flame in my heart
Into your life

And turn
All that frightens you
Into holy
Incense
Ash.

Infinite blessings...Namaste!
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There's really only two ways to approach experiences in life...you can either let them bring you down or you can let them lift you up.

I would like to recite the quote from my previous post:

"Allow yourself to trust joy and embrace it.
You will find you dance with everything." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

This was the quote that was at the top of the e-mail Shiva sent to us prior to the training. The last thing she wrote in the e-mail was:

"Rest well before coming to the intensive and we will enter the Dancing Universe together."

For the Waves,

Shiva"

A couple of the things Shiva asked us to reflect upon is when our Dance first went "underground." In other words, when we stopped letting ourselves be free. Or, when we stopped really enjoying and savoring the experience of movement, literally, the sensational experience of just being in our bodies. Just observe any child and it is obvious they experience this joy...

"To have a human form is a joyful thing."

Chuang Tzu (c.360 BC - c. 275 BC)

And, so, when did my dance first go underground? As a child, all forms of movement I learned were classical. I studied ballet and took gymnastics for 10 years. I loved these practices but neither one was totally liberating, there was something constricting and confining with both. Anytime I experienced dancing, (middle school/high school dances, college parties (unless I had consumed alcohol), or going to clubs) I never felt like I could be totally free in the movement. I always felt uncomfortable experiencing the sensual aspect of the movement. When I trace my experience back, I'm aware of where this shame came from as a young child, when I first developed the feeling that being sensual was "bad." I have talked about my experience at a young age with incest. When my mother discovered that it was happening she said, "God doesn't approve of that." I do not fault her for saying this, there's no way she would have realized the impact of these words. But, most definitely I have carried this shameful feeling with me about being sensual and sexual throughout my life. So, this is one of the reasons why Yoga Trance Dance has been such a healing experience. Of course we all have a dance that went underground, and for different reasons. It certainly isn't just because of shame. Just be aware, when's the last time you moved, I mean really moved and danced, in a group of people, without consuming any alcohol or artifical substances beforehand, and were totally liberated and free, not self-conscious at all? Perhaps at a wedding, but how often do those happen? In fact I remember a student telling me recently she had such an amazing time because she had danced her butt off at a wedding. So, if dancing makes us feel so good, why don't we do it more often? Hmmmmm...

I can not even believe I'm writing these words, but my wallet was lost, or stolen, last night. I suppose I'm getting to experience the self-fulfilling prophecy of what I wrote in a previous post about "life just continuing to come up, again and again." And, I feel a lot of this still has to do with changes I am growing through from the relatively recent separation. So, what do I make of all this? Well, here it is from a True Yogic perspective.

Anytime we lose something or something is taken involuntarily from us, it brings forth an emotional reaction. The reaction I felt was intense anger from a feeling of being violated. Whatever our emotional reaction is to any challenging situation, we can surmise these emotions are surfacing in us for a reason. There's a good chance if you look closely, you will see you've been stuffing your feelings about other experiences in your life, not honoring yourself in some way, or accepting situations which are not healthy/ideal for you. This is why the emotional reaction to the situation we are faced with is so strong, because the fuse has been slowly burning beforehand. We can only accept experiences which do not honor ourself for so long. Anytime we continue to abuse, or compromise, ourself by accepting an unhealthy situation, we can also surmise we are addicted to the situation in some way. Inevitably, the Universe will always give us a lesson, (if we do not learn it fully first on our own), that teaches us and reveals to us fully, (often in a very uncomfortable way), what is not working in our life. In other words, how we are not honoring ourselves in any given situation.

My intuition has been softly whispering to me for a long time about a couple of different situations I've needed to let myself let go of and change. Of course, after returning from the training, I knew I could no longer get away with the same behavior, to do so, would only inflict pain on myself, and therefore in some way, on others. So, I've been slowly adjusting into these shifts I've known I needed to make. When I lost my wallet, I felt really angry, taken advantage of. As Shiva would say, any emotion can be healing, even intense anger or frustration, etc. Emotions are energy in motion. They bring about change. It's scary to let go, especially of a wallet with all of our personal materials in it. At the same time, I know this letting go I'm experiencing is serving a Higher Purpose, and ultimately, will be healing and beneficial. (It doesn't mean I still don't experience moments of frustration, violation and anger, mixed with sadness. But, these emotions have been buried, and have needed to surface and be felt, so that true healing can take place.)

When I was at the training, I really began to experience what it means to Dance with the Universe. To not resist anything which comes our way, but rather, to learn how to flow with everything. To see we are being moved and danced by the great Dancer, and this energy that's igniting us and everything has been moving us before we even breathed our first breath. When I Trance Danced I really began to feel free, and in this freedom, I noticed there was no mental resistance, but rather, only the urge to liberate myself into the feeling deeper and deeper. Several times I experienced God's sensual current. As Shiva said, "Of course God makes love, how do you think all of us got here?" Whatever this Energy is, it is the energy of Creation and so this pulsation flows in everything. To not let ourselves experience this sensual current is to cut ourselves off in some way from feeling Its Flow. It's understandable how Yoga Trance Dance would be a healing experience for anyone who struggles with shame.

But, again, there are so many ways we can liberate ourselves from that which binds us through the flow of movement. We talked about what our insecurities about dancing are at the training. For some, it was feeling inappropriate to feel sensual. Many of us felt fears about not looking good, or feeling awkward, as one guy said, "what if I do something dorky." It is safe to say pretty much all of us have a fear of being seen, having ourselves be fully revealed/exposed. Some of the men expressed fears about not feeling masculine if they let themselves surrender to the Flow so much. In reality, masculinity can only be realized through acceptance of its opposite energy, which is the feminine. This, of course, is the entire Yin/Yang or Ha(Solar)Tha(Lunar) perspective of all Eastern movement systems.

And, anything which happens in our life is an experience we can detest or dance with. Shiva would say, "Dance with even the most mundane of experiences in your life." Like when you're at the DMV getting your license, can you dance in that situation? Or, maybe when you're standing in a long line at the post office, or filing your taxes. How can you experience the Divine Dance, the mysterious unfolding of the Universe in these moments? We're always being danced, it's our choice whether or not we seek to hear, flow and be guided by the music. We can realize the great comedy that is in any tragedy. Because, in deed, everything can be seen as lila, a Divine game. I suppose I prefer to relate to it now, as a dance, rather than a game. Just move and let yourself be moved and let whatever unfolds bring you deeper into the extraordinary Nature of the Dancing Universe. So, I'm about ready to turn in for the night. I will definitely be back soon. Before I go, this poem by the mystic poet, Hafiz, sums up everything I've written in an incredibly beautiful way:

Cast All Your Votes for Dancing

I know the voice of depression
Still calls to you.

I know those habits that can ruin your life
Still send their invitations.

But you are with the Friend now
And look so much stronger.

You can stay that way
And even bloom!

Keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From your prayers and work and music
And from your companions' beautiful laughter.

Keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From the sacred hands and glance of your Beloved
And, my dear,
From the most insignificant movements
Of your own holy body.

Learn to recognize the counterfeit coins
That may buy you just a moment of pleasure,
But then drag you for days
Like a broken man
Behind a farting camel.

You are with the Friend now.
Learn what actions of yours delight Him,
What actions of yours bring freedom
And Love.

Whenever you say God's name, dear pilgrim,
My ears wish my head was missing
So they could finally kiss each other
And applaud all your nourishing wisdom!

O keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From your prayers and work and music
And from your companions' beautiful laughter

And from the most insignificant movements
Of your own holy body.

Now, sweet one,
Be wise.
Cast all your votes for Dancing! - Hafiz

p.s.-Ok, the farting camel part is a bit descriptive, but it gets the point across.


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Namaste!

I'm back from Yoga Trance Dance with Shiva Rea. It was incredible...amazing...so many powerful awakenings, insights and explorations into the great Dance of Life and the great Dancer who is moving me.

One of the most powerful experiences of the training was getting to go through a totally sahaja (spontaneous) Yoga practice. A spontaneous Yoga practice is a practice guided only by the breath (Prana). In other words, when we are practicing Yoga we often adhere to some guidelines that have been taught to us. We move according to how other people have instructed us to move. In sahaja yoga, the practice is to move totally spontaneously and freely, without reservation or limitation. There is no prescribed structure, only to totally listen to your body and your guiding energy. There is no 'proper' pose to begin in and no necessary way of sequencing the flow of the poses. Most likely, one wouldn't even go through traditional Surya Namaskar (Sun Salutations) in a sahaja practice. I hope you get to experience this liberating flow at some point in your Yoga journey. One of the greatest benefits of flowing this way is we let go of old processes, (ways of doing things, moving, etc.) and, by being in this place of discovery and exploration, we begin to perceive new ways of opening, growing, moving, being, relating, to our practice, our body, ourselves and our life. As Shiva Rea would say, new pathways of Flow emerge...

One of the other powerful parts of the training was when she talked to us about becoming conscious of the places in our life where we need to let go of and release that which is not serving us. We are at a place of energetic change and transformation as we complete the third week of the Spring Season/cycle. Spring is a time of new beginnings, and, for these positive changes to unfold we most let go to allow space for this growth in our life. Often our hands are holding on tight to something and if we would just allow ourselves to release it, we would find what fills its space to be lighter and brighter, freeing us to experience the unbounded essence/Consciousness of Life and the Life energy within our own Self.

And, of course we Trance Danced! Actually, we experienced three Trance Dances, two led by Shiva Rea, and one led by all of the students in the training. I'm looking forward to holding the first ever Yoga Trance Dance in Dallas! It's looking like it's going to be Friday, May 23rd from 8-10 pm at exhale dallas. I'll keep you posted as details unfold.

I feel so blessed to have found such an incredibly inspiring teacher who can be such a powerful river guide (as Shiva would call herself) to lead me along on this Yoga journey. One of the other gifts I get to experience, when I travel to Venice, CA for trainings with Shiva, is visiting, meditating and attending church service at the Self-Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine in Pacific Palisades, California. The Lake Shrine was founded by Paramahansa Yogananda in 1950. It is one of the most beautiful places, not only aesthetically with lush landscaping and picturesque surroundings, but it vibrates spiritually at one of the highest levels I have ever experienced. I love it there, it fills my spirit unlike anywhere else.

So the months ahead in Spring will be filled with wonder as the journey continues to unfold in an always mysterious, and never short of, miraculous way. I can already feel a transformation, just in how I experience my Yoga practice. I can only imagine all the other changes this transformation will give birth to as I breathe into these new spaces being guided by the Intelligence of my own breath.

p.s.-I have to share this quote with you I stumbled upon while searching for music on iTunes:
"Stop trying to answer the "How" in life and focus more on enjoying the "Now" in life."
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