First of all, let me begin by saying Happy Holidays. Just yesteray I sat down to write, but felt a writer’s block as though I had nothing to share. Then, today, it’s as though the dam has been released and the waters are flowing with so much to say.

It’s been a few weeks since I last wrote. I have been going through many personal changes through the Fall and sometimes it’s hard to write when I am not yet ready to share. I have been in a relationship for the past year and a half and I have realized over the past 7 months that what I need is to be on my own. So, I am currently living by myself in the condo we will be putting on the market this week. I’ve become aware that I have not spent much alone time with myself, ever really. There was a year after college when I lived on my own, then moved back with my parents for a while, then left and moved to downtown Dallas where I leased an apartment with a friend. We lived there for a short time together, and then I spent the next couple of years on my own, although I was dating somebody at the time, so I was rarely by myself. After I closed the Yoga studio, I returned to my parent’s house, once again, (for 9 months) and then moved back out to be with my partner who I’ve been with for the past 19 months. It’s not easy to share all of this, but ultimately, the point is, there is some growing I need to do on my own so I can share my life with someone in an emotionally healthy way. It was at my training with Shiva Rea this past summer that I really began to awaken to this journey I would need to take for myself…

It’s been challenging but also incredibly enlightening. The time for embarking on this journey has come at the perfect time, as always, and I feel the support and the guidance of the teachings of Paramahansa Yogananda, and the cultivation of my meditation practice which I am turning to more and more as I walk down this path. Sometimes I get really scared. Especially when my car broke down off of 635E a couple of weeks ago and I was sitting on the shoulder of one of the busiest highways in America, by myself. But, then I realize I always have someone to turn to…God…and His answers are within. I’ve been reading The Yoga of Jesus, by Yogananda, which was sent to me by the Self-Realization Fellowship a couple of weeks ago and it’s amazing. Speaking to this very awareness, on the cover of the book it says:

“Behold, the Kingdom of God is within you.”

I wonder if there are very many of us who have spent much time alone in our life, in solitude with ourselves. Of course I know there are many people who have, but my guess would be the majority of us have always found our comfort in our connection with somebody else, be it a family member, friend, partner, pet, etc. In no way am I saying connections are not important, they are indeed, but to understand what it is that is drawing us to one another is important, so that it is a healthy relationship. Is it because of some fear or dependency in some way emotionally? Or is it simply because we choose to have that connection in our life. I am learning so much from Yogananda’s books and Meditation lessons. One of the awarenesses which has been so powerful is that this connection with Source, or God, which we are seeking in Yoga, is cultivated through our devotion, or Bhakti (Love) in Sanskrit. God wants to feel we are building a relationship with Him.

“The whole subject of Faith has to do with developing a relationship with God…
God is like the Divine Great Lady of the Universe living up in the top of some palace. And so many people do so many things trying to seek her hand in marriage. But the one who gets it does more than anybody else. He succeeds in meeting her and convincing her of his love.” – Brother Anilananda, Faith: A Cornerstone of Spiritual Living

“Once a man gave some olives to another who had never seen olives, and said, “These have a lot of oil in them.” The person cut the fruit but could see no oil-until his friend showed him how to squeeze the olives in order to extract the oil from the pulp. So it is with God. Everything in the universe is saturated with His presence-the twinkling stars, the rose, the song of the bird, our minds. His Being permeates everything, everywhere. But one has metaphorically to “squeeze” God out of His material concealment.” -The Yoga of Jesus, Paramahansa Yogananda

And I love this one, which speaks deeply to me as I move through many days of being by myself. We find God, or get to know God most deeply, when we spend time with Him like we would or best friend or lover, in silence, meditation. Alone, just ourself and Him. So, being alone, by yourself in the Stillness with God (developing that one-with-THE ONE relationship) is nothing to be scared of, it is the Way to know Him.

“Seclusion is the price of greatness and God-contact. All who are willing to snatch time from the greedy material world to devote it instead to the divine search can learn to behold the wondrous factory of creation out of which all things are born.” – The Yoga of Jesus

But perhaps of all the teachings I’ve been blessed to receive recently, this is the one which has helped me to make it through some very hard times over the past couple of months. As I’ve gone through the challenging metamorphosis of a relationship in change.

“This relationship is what we’re thinking about here. And, they can be fun, but then we get to the hard parts. And Life certainly has its hard parts. And Guruji (Yogananda) said, “we will be brought to our knees in devotion or in desparation.” And, being at the temple I hear the stories of people’s lives of relationships, finances, health, jobs, everything collapsing all at once, and accidents, and loved ones dying, and injuries and not dying. And the enormity, it’s awesome of what we go through. And recently I was reading some stories from the Mahabharata and I weighed those tragedies and the impossible situations people were put in, in the Mahabharata, against the impossible situations that I hear in the lives of the devotees and wondered which was more traumatic. Which was greater. To me they were comparable. And even here when it’s not fun is a wonderful opportunity to grow this relationship with God…

Kunti, Arjuna’s mother, was approached by Krishna after the war, the Kurukshetra War, and Krishna went up to her and said, “Now I need to take leave from you, I need to go back to Dwaraka.” And she said, “Krishna, you’re not fooling us…there you are pretending to be Krishna…but, we know who you really are.” And she said, “Lord, please grant me a boon.” (What would it be that everything would be bright and shiny and no more war?) She said, “Bless us that we will always have misfortune after misfortune visiting us, because then our minds will always be with you.” To her that relationship was more important than a smooth life. And, the Daya Mata has said when these tragedies happen to us, and to our cities, and to our world, that whatever it is…think about it…if God exists it is also coming with His blessing. So no matter how difficult it is, we can always take some benefit from it…even from a tragedy. These things that force us to…we can run away from God…or we can decide to go toward God and then we can get the benefit.”

“Everyday work on this most beautiful, beautiful relationship. Sister Daya Mata said, “In a day that may be distant but sure, when with Faith we work on cultivating this relationship that exists that is already there.”

So, Guruji said, “Ignite Thee within. And, awaken in the morning ready to battle with the world with Him by your side. With Faith in your power to succeed, say, Come Along World…I am Ready!!!” – - Brother Anilananda, from Faith: A Cornerstone of Spiritual Living