When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom let it be
-The Beatles

The sun finally broke through the clouds today for more than just a moment. The skies have cleared some and there is an expansiveness of blue sky above. The humidity has seemed to drop even since this morning and I am feeling refreshed in my perspective of life.

As I mentioned last week, I have been going through an emotional time. This summer I will be attending Shiva Rea’s two week teacher training in California and I feel as though all I am going through right now, and essentially, everything I have been through, is preparation for me to be in this life-changing experience, cleansed, open and ready to receive and awaken to the fullness of it all. Of course, the fullness of life can be overwhelming, the abundant Goodness almost too much to take in at times. Our ability to receive is directly proportionate to our ability to believe we are worthy of receiving. As I write this I can feel emotion welling up from my heart chakra, mostly because I have spent a great deal of my experience not fully believing I am worthy of receiving all of life’s blessings. Sure, I’ve believed I am worthy to some extent, but I see that my Yoga journey is, all the time, encouraging me to awaken to the fullness of life which can only flow from loving and valuing myself fully.

I would like to share this with you because I believe it is important for me to be open and authentic and share with you from my heart. I would also like to share this with you as a reminder, that we are not meant to go through this journey on our own. At some point in our practice of Yoga, it is essential to learn from a teacher. A teacher offers us guidance in how to open up to poses, grow into the pose and transform into the next pose. And, that guidance can come in many forms, so it’s essential to be open to that support on your journey. After this past week of emotional struggle, I decided to seek out the support of a therapist to help me heal the pain of what I am going through right now. (A couple of years ago, I also sought out the support of a therapist to help me through a very difficult time. Of course, I thought I would never need to go back and that I had healed beyond therapy.) So, when this therapist was referred to me by a fellow Yoga teacher who gave me her name and contact info a few months ago, I can remember thinking to myself, “Thanks a lot, but ya, why would I need a therapist…I’m fine.” Interestingly, though, I did write the number down and stuffed it away in my wallet, just as I had been stuffing away this emotionally challenging place I’ve been going through for the past year. I often say in class that the poses we resist the most are, not only the ones we need the most, but inevitably, no matter how much we may think we can avoid practicing them and still open up fully, we are only fooling and ultimately harming ourselves. In time, we will get to move through all of the spaces/poses we need to move through to heal our body, heart and mind fully, and thus, awaken to the fullness of Life, God, Brahman, Spirit, Light, Love, Truth, etc. Of course, I also say, everything opens in its own time, so while we may avoid going through a certain space/pose of transformation or healing, when the time is right, we will find ourselves being called to grow into/practice that pose and learn how to breathe through it.

For the past year I have been called to go through this place of healing. And, yes, for a while I pretended like it wasn’t there, or it would just go away, or I kept telling myself I was getting better and could work through it on my own. Last week, after another troubling dream and night’s sleep, which was only another one of too many to count this past year, I realized, this place of healing is far too deep for me to move through and release on my own. I have never been one to advocate past life experiences, mostly because I haven’t every really had any concrete evidence in my own life to believe they are real. I’ve always been open to the possibility, but haven’t spent too much time contemplating it. As I practiced Yoga the other day, I realized this Yoga practice I am journeying through began well before this lifetime. I am only continuing my work of healing here. I came into the world moving my body in Yoga poses, allowing my body to be a channel through which I could feel and express myself. My childhood was spent in splits/Hanumanasana against the living room wall, tree pose and balancing poses on the rail of our back porch, countless hours on a balancing beam, handstands, headstands and on and on. I realized that the pain I am carrying with me did not originate in this lifetime.

And, so it is. This is what my heart spoke to me in the quiet of my practice. I also know and am grateful to know, at this point in my journey, that I am exactly where I need to be. We all are, every moment, every breath. I am grateful to still be able to know the Light, even when it feels cloudy or even stormy at times…when the clouds hang low over my head and everytime I step outside it seems as though it’s raining just to dampen me…the Light still shines brightly, beautifully and my heart reassures me I’m on my way, so breathe, let it be, feel it and know I am growing and opening to the Fullness of Life with each breath I breathe.

And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
-The Beatles