It’s interesting to experience what’s opening up in my Yoga classes. I’ve had this whole reconnection with my youth thing going on. I really believe Yoga opens up our connection to our youthfulness. I’m finding myself playing these songs in class simply because it feels good at the moment, so it works. I loved Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers back in the day. Recently, I’ve played a Tom Petty song here or there. And when I play it, or any song I feel that connection to. It feels so good that sometimes I’ll sing. It’s awesome.
So, I’ve been going through the emotional roller-coaster of life…so to speak. For the most part, I find myself feeling consistently well, content, happy. But, there are moments where I realize I’m not feeling the intensity of my experience, especially given everything going on with my dad. Just today, I noticed how I’ve been giving almost all of my energy to another situation, but beneath the surface of everything, dwells these unfelt feelings about everything going on with my dad. It’s interesting how life inevitably slows us down and makes us feel our feelings…one way or another. What’s really beneath the surface of all of the stimulation/excitement we’re covering everything up with? For me. it’s a feeling of heaviness when I go into the depth of the feelings; I’m experiencing about my dad. I mean, there are so many feelings, it is the full rainbow of emotions related to my father having cancer. And, it’s not that I need to dwell there, but I certainly need to be conscious of what is.
But, I’m not afraid to feel it…as my first Yoga teacher said…feeling is healing. And, the Lightness shines brighter on the other side when we are authentic with ourselves, our experience.
On a lighter note, I’ll be heading out to L.A. again in July for another training with Shiva called Embodying the Flow. Perhaps one of the greatest gifts in my life, over the past year, is to feel the mentoring and guidance of a true Yogic Master. She is the embodiment of Yoga. I feel her Presence guiding me all the time…and, I mean, she is fricking beautiful. Her natural beauty and Grace inspires and transforms all of those who are blessed to be connected to her. Through studying with her I’ve learned, as Michael Franti says in his song, that “I know I’m not alone.”
And, let’s see, what else. Well, I’m single again so I’m learning a lot about opening my heart, even though sometimes it’s scary and painful. But, it’s always worth it. The only way anything can flow is in an open, free heart. This poem by Hafiz, though, has been particularly influential for me in those moments when I’ve felt the feeling of loneliness,which seems to still creep in every once and a while. So, I hope you find it meaningful to you… Peace.
Don’t surrender your loneliness
Let it cut more deep.
Let it ferment and season you
As few human
Or even divine ingredients can.
Something missing in my heart tonight
Has made my eyes so soft,
My need of God